Slang Editorial :: Never Underestimate The Value Of A Holla'

Tuesday, March 02, 2010
Something Left To Be Desired

Somehow Chatroulette is even less satisfying than 90s chatrooms were.

Labels: lolgore, memories, quicksnaps

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 3/02/2010 11:53:00 PM 1 comments

1 Comments:

jayson said...: This is some pretty serious lolgore.; 3/04/2010 12:32:00 PM

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Monday, February 08, 2010
WHY THE PAIN

Fun with GIFs from more subway photo research--play around with your own hand-made GIFs here.

Labels: Chairmen of the Bored, curiosities, lolgore, quicksnaps

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 2/08/2010 04:49:00 PM 0 comments

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Someone Please Explain This One To Me

From a pre-race research day where Mneserate and I toured the city's subterranea looking for worthy clues for our Rail World: Underground subway race. Still don't quite get what was going on here.

Labels: curiosities, fucktactics, lolgore, photography, quicksnaps

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 2/08/2010 04:28:00 PM 0 comments

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Tuesday, February 02, 2010
Sometimes I Wonder What It Would Be Like If I Just Chose To Live My Life Like This Dude

Labels: curiosities, lolgore, photography, quicksnaps

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 2/02/2010 07:05:00 AM 0 comments

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Saturday, January 30, 2010
On Dealing With "Special" People

I am entering the final planning stages for an event i'm working on and we had a meet and greet night this week to recruit volunteers to help us execute everything. Hilariously, I received this email today to access a spreadsheet summarizing the volunteer involvement:

One person was actually listed as ""very, very special".

Labels: deprarious, fucktactics, lolgore, REAL LIFE IMs

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 1/30/2010 06:26:00 PM 0 comments

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Friday, January 29, 2010
Capped and Then Fucked

I promised in an earlier post to after losing my work camera lens cap to the subway system at the Bergen St. stop that I would come back with a photo.

Well, here it is, a week later, and the cap is still there. Apparently the subway attendants have grabbers to retrieve such lost items but I think my cap is just doomed to die on the tracks until it disintegrates or is carried off by rats to help augment their Flotilla Toward God that will eventually take down all of the humans left on earth.

Labels: curiosities, fucktactics, lolgore, quicksnaps

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 1/29/2010 09:54:00 PM 1 comments

1 Comments:

jayson said...: FLOTILLA TOWARD GOD.; 1/30/2010 04:41:00 PM

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A Less Than Ideal Number Of Emails To Respond To When It's 4:50 PM On A Friday

Labels: lolgore, work

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 1/29/2010 04:53:00 PM 0 comments

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Thursday, January 28, 2010
VENOMOUS LOINS DEAL WITH IT

jaychampionvinyl: your life is full

JeffreyBeaumont: i am a fucking sadist
JeffreyBeaumont: well a masochist anyway
jaychampionvinyl: no
jaychampionvinyl: you were right
jaychampionvinyl: you love inflicting pain
jaychampionvinyl: on humans
jaychampionvinyl: and watching them writhe in agony
JeffreyBeaumont: hahahahaha
JeffreyBeaumont: with my tongue-twisting fake language
jaychampionvinyl: yes
jaychampionvinyl: your forked tongue and your venomous loins
JeffreyBeaumont: FUCK YEAH VENOMOUS LOINS

Labels: BEAUMONT, IMs, lolgore

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 1/28/2010 04:10:00 PM 0 comments

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Monday, January 25, 2010
Is This The Kind Of Thing They Made Google Wave For?

Cabbie: ben D is down for dinner tonight
Cabbie: roasted chicken, kale/garlic salad
Cabbie: he's going to get chicken, im going to grab kale/garlic
Cabbie: any other thoughts on sides?
JeffreyBeaumont: some kind of potato?
Cabbie: haha i was just thinking that
Cabbie: roasted potatoes?
JeffreyBeaumont: yes

BenD: ok change of plans YOU ARE BUYING THE CHICKEN
BenD: i have good wine
BenD: and i am providing the rice

JeffreyBeaumont: Umm...

JeffreyBeaumont: hey i will happily pay for the chicken
JeffreyBeaumont: but am concerned about having time to buy it
Cabbie: what is Ben D telling you?
JeffreyBeaumont: can you grab and i'll give you dollarS?
Cabbie: i dont want communication to get crosswired
JeffreyBeaumont: BenD: ok change of plans YOU ARE BUYING THE CHICKEN
JeffreyBeaumont: BenD: i have good wine
JeffreyBeaumont: BenD: and i am providing the rice
JeffreyBeaumont: hahaha
Cabbie: what rice?
Cabbie: nobody said anything about rice

BenD: ok change of plans YOU ARE BUYING THE CHICKEN
BenD: i have good wine
BenD: and i am providing the rice
BenD: ok no worries just come over
BenD: this is a hilarious three way conversation

Cabbie: hahahahahaha
Cabbie: this is amazing

JeffreyBeaumont: google, we need a "chatroom" function

Labels: deprarious, fucktactics, IMs, lolgore

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 1/25/2010 02:54:00 PM 2 comments

2 Comments:

jayson said...: YOU ARE BUYING THE CHICKEN.; 1/26/2010 09:36:00 AM
sweeetheartfever said...: THAT WAS A REALLY GREAT FUCKING CHICKEN; 1/26/2010 11:16:00 AM

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Saturday, January 23, 2010
Late Night Fucktactics, Pt II: Fallen Object ed.

Dropped my work camera's lens cap onto the subway track at the Bergen St F/G station. Even though it was 1am, I chose not to jump down onto the tracks... safe but now unprotected.

[photo to come]

Labels: deprarious, fucktactics, le nuit, lolgore, retard penalties

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 1/23/2010 01:00:00 PM 0 comments

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Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Even The Aged Seek For Ways To Keep It Crunk

JB-Boss: what time is our meeting with [NYC TECH COMPANY] and where
JeffreyBeaumont: it's at 2:30
JeffreyBeaumont: but i'm still waiting to hear back on a location
JeffreyBeaumont: will finalize tomorrow
JB-Boss: crunk?
JeffreyBeaumont: it's a phrase meaning many things
depending on context
JB-Boss: such as "keep it crunk" lock down the date?
JeffreyBeaumont: haha
JeffreyBeaumont: not exactly
JeffreyBeaumont: crunk is more like "happening" "awesome" "crazy"
keep it crunk is like "keep it exciting"
JeffreyBeaumont: which would probably mean actually waiting til the last minute to lock down the date
JB-Boss: got it -- used in context for securing a baptism date where I'm going to be the godfather. Requesrted that I wear a floor-lenghth white sequin cape like Teddy Pendergrass Live at the Sahara

Labels: curiosities, IMs, lolgore, OLD PEOPLE MAKE IT HARD NOT TO SIGH SOMETIMES, words

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 1/20/2010 04:41:00 PM 0 comments

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Concord Surprise

JeffreyBeaumont: what if you woke up and your eyeballs had been turned into grapes, but you could still see out of them
JeffreyBeaumont: what would your reaction be?
SheHateMe: are they as fragile as grapes?
SheHateMe: do they still have pupils?
SheHateMe: would I still need to put in contacts, or do the grapes give me 20/20 vision
JeffreyBeaumont: you can't wear contacts anymore
JeffreyBeaumont: you have to wear glasses
JeffreyBeaumont: but your vision quality is the same
JeffreyBeaumont: they are just barely stronger than regular grapes
SheHateMe: wait, are we talking purple or white grapes
JeffreyBeaumont: except they won't mold
JeffreyBeaumont: concord
SheHateMe: ew
SheHateMe: do they have the dusty stuff on them?
JeffreyBeaumont: no
SheHateMe: ok, well
SheHateMe: given your answers
SheHateMe: my reaction would be negative

Labels: curiosities, IMs, lolgore

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 1/20/2010 03:33:00 PM 0 comments

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Pretty Sure This Falls Squarely Into The Deprarious / Fucktactics Cross-Section

Yep, this really exists.

Labels: deprarious, fucktactics, lolgore, music

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 1/20/2010 12:31:00 PM 0 comments

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Sunday, January 17, 2010
Fiona

I spent a while last night with a friend trolling through YouTube videos including a number by Fiona Apple and discovered that I somehow managed to miss this gem from her last record Extraordinary Machine, featuring none other than Zach Galifianakis.

Also, inaugural "crushes" addition: Fiona Apple.

Labels: crushes, curiosities, la cine, lolgore, music, videos

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 1/17/2010 03:00:00 PM 0 comments

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Friday, January 15, 2010
FUUUUUCKKKKKKED

When you make an unexpected dentist visit at 5:30 on a Friday you know
things might be a little fucked.......

Labels: "Sleep With The Vulture", "Want To Feel Safe Tonight", deprarious, FAIL, fucktactics, lolgore, quicksnaps

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 1/15/2010 05:53:00 PM 1 comments

1 Comments:

sweeetheartfever said...: just for fun i clicked on the label "fucktactics" in your tags. interesting cross-section of your life, jeffrey.; 1/16/2010 02:04:00 PM

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Sunday, January 10, 2010
I Love Coming Home And Finding Windows Like This Open On My Computer

Labels: lolgore

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 1/10/2010 03:51:00 PM 0 comments

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Musings From a Public Bathroom On Roosevelt Island

"NO PEACE FOR THE WICKED."

Labels: curiosities, lolgore, Men's Photo Club, photography, quicksnaps, roosevelt

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 1/10/2010 11:38:00 AM 1 comments

1 Comments:

jayson said...: you needed to have added "SLEEP WITH THE VULTURE.'; 1/11/2010 09:58:00 AM

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Friday, January 08, 2010
Sometimes I Don't Know Why I Do The Things I Do

JeffreyBeaumont: john just sent me this http://www.mediafire.com/?jmyhxv4myyd
JeffreyBeaumont: quote: "ShrimpCracker: 1st song is legit"
hotdorknobs: good god.
JeffreyBeaumont: 99 problems over scarlet begonias
hotdorknobs: good god.
hotdorknobs: i didn't bother downloading
hotdorknobs: haha
JeffreyBeaumont: no, dont
JeffreyBeaumont: also
JeffreyBeaumont: IT'S 2010
JeffreyBeaumont: BLACK ALBUM CAME OUT SIX+ YEARS AGO
JeffreyBeaumont: SERIOUSLY DUDES

JeffreyBeaumont: so.....
JeffreyBeaumont: "dirt off yr shoulder / fire on the mountain"
JeffreyBeaumont: ok nevermind
hotdorknobs: LOL @ "almost annoyingly reasonable"

LISTEN:

Jay-Z/Grateful Dead by Spinjunkie - "Dirt Off Your Shoulder / Fire On The Mountain"

Labels: curiosities, Dead, deprarious, fucktactics, lolgore, mp3, music

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 1/08/2010 04:24:00 PM 0 comments

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Tuesday, January 05, 2010
Old Times

My boss just came in my office with the tremendous desire to share this old tune, which was Bob Seger's Nuggets-esque first single and a regional Detroit hit. Haaa.

Labels: lolgore, music, OLD PEOPLE MAKE IT HARD NOT TO SIGH SOMETIMES, videos

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 1/05/2010 06:00:00 PM 0 comments

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A Strange Kind Of Luck

JeffreyBeaumont: i'm still kinda morning groggy
JeffreyBeaumont: i woke up at 9:35 and was like, FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
JeffreyBeaumont: (we have a staff meeting at 9:45)
Cabbie: hahahah oh no
JeffreyBeaumont: i emailed my boss that i'd be way late and got here at
JeffreyBeaumont: but somehow he was also way late and hadn't even gotten in yet
JeffreyBeaumont: !!
JeffreyBeaumont: so lucky luckness for me
Cabbie: hahahahahah
Cabbie: you are lucky to have a boss whose incompetence outpaces your
bad luck and tendency toward outrageous disaster

Labels: fucktactics, IMs, lolgore

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 1/05/2010 01:37:00 PM 0 comments

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A Fairly Solid Example As To Why It Is A Struggle For Anyone To Take Me Seriously

Been going on 36 hours like this.

Labels: "Sleep With The Vulture", fucktactics, lolgore, quicksnaps, sleep, Why I Am Not Really An Adult

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 1/05/2010 01:39:00 AM 1 comments

1 Comments:

E-BAD said...: I'm glad you didn't throw out that lamp!; 1/05/2010 10:04:00 PM

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Monday, January 04, 2010
It Really Doesn't Matter, Does It?

EK: did you go to the phish show recently?
JeffreyBeaumont: no no
JeffreyBeaumont: never again
JeffreyBeaumont: i saw i dunno, a bunch of shows
JeffreyBeaumont: from 95-2000
EK: not that bad
JeffreyBeaumont: ha well it would have been much much worse if i'd had more money and more freedom
JeffreyBeaumont: one buzz-harshing i can retroactively thank my parents for
EK: haha
EK: did you like that band the cheesestring evidence
EK: or whatever its called
EK: cheesecake incident
JeffreyBeaumont: hahhahahhaah
JeffreyBeaumont: no
JeffreyBeaumont: thank god
EK: wait, what is it called??
JeffreyBeaumont: stringcheese incident
EK: yes!
EK: thank you

Somehow I like imagining The Cheesecake Incident as a polka band of obese midwesterners slyly and shamefully glancing at one another as they waddle across a stage and put out requests for waltzes and "wild ones".

Labels: deprarious, lolgore, memories, music

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 1/04/2010 11:16:00 PM 0 comments

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Saturday, January 02, 2010
YEZZIR: Throat Gulp Edition

We've entered a new era of "Deal With It" in-your-face realism.

Labels: case studies, curiosities, lolgore, quicksnaps

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 1/02/2010 03:58:00 PM 0 comments

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Friday, January 01, 2010
Blackstreet's Back, Alright!

NO DIGGITY.

Labels: lolgore, quicksnaps

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 1/01/2010 01:56:00 AM 0 comments

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Fuck Yeah, Unstoppable Hands Of Time

It's 2010 and we are doing YouTube karaoke with a projector and life
is about as lean-forward as I could hope for.

Labels: lolgore, music, quicksnaps

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 1/01/2010 12:47:00 AM 0 comments

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Monday, December 28, 2009
ALFE

But seriously, this is even fucking better--this is in fact the very best, the full 22 minute Alfe pilot featured on the Paper Rad DVD Trash Talking. This takes me back to the small joy experienced during the worst holiday season of my entire life in 2007 (thanks DDK!).

AWKWARD!!!!!!!!!!

Labels: lolgore, paper rad, videos

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 12/28/2009 12:58:00 AM 0 comments

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IF I EVER WROTE A SONG THIS SPECIAL I WOULD BE A MILLIONAIRES

GOOD MORNING AMERICA LETS EAT A COMPUTER

Labels: curiosities, lolgore, love, paper rad, videos

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 12/28/2009 12:54:00 AM 0 comments

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Sunday, December 27, 2009
Sweet And Tender Hooligan

I love that my grandmother's favorite football player is Randy Moss, who she said she loves because he was "the angry young man that nobody wanted". Haaaa. Lovin life.

Sweet And Tender Hooligan [BBC...

Labels: heroes, lolgore, music, quicksnaps, Smiths

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 12/27/2009 01:29:00 PM 0 comments

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Friday, December 25, 2009
Ah, Yes, Thanks Dude

No end to the hyperbole that can come out of either Rolling Stone or these nonsensemongers.

Labels: deprarious, fucktactics, lolgore, quicksnaps

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 12/25/2009 10:03:00 PM 0 comments

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It's 2009, Friends: Burying The Lede Edition

This is kinda long, but that's sorta the point (stick with it til the end, please)...

5:07pm
FriendZ: i presume before too long google will let you forward your voice number to gchat or something like that
FriendX: Just one more step on their way to taking over the world.
FriendZ: of course so few people actually call me...
FriendX: haha me too.

5:17 PM
FriendZ: how much snow did you guys get in DC?
FriendX: 15" so far, it's pretty crazy.
FriendZ: wow!
FriendX: At one point it snowed 3 inches in an hour before.
FriendZ: when was the last time that there was that much snow?
FriendX: Are you in Boston now?
FriendZ: yeah
FriendX: Getting any there?
FriendZ: we are supposed to get 12 or so tonight and tomorrow
FriendX: We've never had this much snow as long as I've been here.
FriendX: A few years ago we had a huge storm and some places got like 20" near here, but we got like 6"
FriendZ: well i'm sure everything is closed down
FriendX: It was so weird, like we had a little snow blocking bubble over us :(
FriendZ: what are you doing for xmas?
FriendX: Visiting Buffalo for a few days with GirlFriendX then heading home on the 24th-27th
FriendZ: ah ok
FriendX: What you doin?
FriendZ: we're going to GirlfriendZ's parents and then Portland

5:21pm
FriendX: Going to get some skiing in out there?
FriendZ: not sure about skiing
FriendX: Mt. Hood has gotten like 150" this year.
FriendZ: wow
FriendZ: actually...we have some exciting news
FriendZ: GirlfriendZ is pregnant :)
FriendX: 173" actually
FriendZ: so no skiing for her

Labels: deprarious, fucktactics, IMs, lolgore

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 12/25/2009 12:37:00 AM 0 comments

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Tuesday, December 22, 2009
TRUCKBLOGGIN' #5: Chawtastic

Anyone who knows me knows that one of my many mantras is "I'll try
anything once", and how could a trip to a farm to load milk onto a
truck not include an offer to do a little chewing tobacco, right?

Above on the ground you will see the chaw that I held in my mouth for
approximately three minutes before being advised by a ten year old
girl to spit it out so as not to end up like her cousin, who spent a
night puking after his first time chewing.

It was both more intense and more gross than I'd imagined it to be,
but also a worthy experience in the Book of Beaumont Life Actuation.

Labels: curiosities, deprarious, fucktactics, lolgore, mark jaffe, quicksnaps, Truckbloggin

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 12/22/2009 04:34:00 PM 0 comments

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Friday, December 18, 2009
YEZZIR: Triumphant "Plotting The Great Wall" Edition

A moment of tremendous and beauteous pride from deep within my gutheart: She Hate Me is currently in China visiting the 'Rents has tagged the fucking Great Wall of China with a Brainplotting sticker. Deal with it, dudes!

Labels: curiosities, fun, lolgore, quicksnaps, YEZZIR

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 12/18/2009 10:15:00 AM 0 comments

0 Comments:

E-BAD said...: This post has been removed by the author.; 12/18/2009 11:16:00 PM

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Monday, December 07, 2009
I Must Be Blind

I wish I could explain why I'm feeling interested in watching this film, beyond my inexplicable lifelong crush on Sandra Bullock and the fact that I've been obsessively watching Friday Night Lights in the past week.

Labels: crushes, fucktactics, la cine, lolgore, videos

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 12/07/2009 06:54:00 PM 1 comments

1 Comments:

snp said...: Is that beau?; 12/08/2009 08:21:00 AM

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Friday, December 04, 2009
REBLOG: Symbologists

I don't typically do straight reblogs but sometimes KJ just makes me lose my shit.

This piece of amazingness comes from her great blog Debauched Sloth and I recommend highly that you all check it out and add to your Google Reader as soon as you are able if you haven't yet.

Sent to you by Jeffrey via Google Reader:

MS Paint Portfolio: When Jeffrey has kids

via Debauched Sloth on 11/25/09

late-night speculations.

Und so weiter...

JeffreyBeaumont: that's amazing
KJ: She Hate Me and i decided all your children will be born with mathematical symbol tattoos

ShrimpCracker: can they find photos of babies
ShrimpCracker: and photoshop symbols onto them
ShrimpCracker: and make a fake Jeffrey Beaumont Xmas card
ShrimpCracker: hahahhaha
JeffreyBeaumont: i will have to inquire about that
ShrimpCracker: its amazing just thinking about it

Labels: art, BEAUMONT, Beaumont Nerderati, case studies, curiosities, IMs, lolgore

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 12/04/2009 05:37:00 PM 1 comments

1 Comments:

E-BAD said...: they forgot the importance of the imaginary numbers. I'd say that would be have to be kid number 1. Or rather the square root of. My children will be named after various talking heads from NPR.; 12/07/2009 10:36:00 AM

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Monday, November 30, 2009
The Giver of New Perspectives

Believe it or not, I did not actually make this. Oh, those Swedes!

Labels: lolgore

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 11/30/2009 05:53:00 PM 0 comments

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Saturday, November 28, 2009
Sound Advice For Nonsensemongers

JeffreyBeaumont: lately i've been feeling odd
JeffreyBeaumont: two more friends got engaged in last two weeks
JeffreyBeaumont: and coming home, the few people i've seen all seem hellbent on having settled down, grown-up lives
JeffreyBeaumont: meanwhile i live with my little sister and i'm throwing dodgeballs and organizing scavenger hunts
EKLittle: we are at an age where people are starting to take on more responsibilities
EKLittle: but you live in NYC
EKLittle: you can play dodgeball and put on scavenger hunts until you're 40
EKLittle: but ignoring the fact that we are getting older is bad too

EKLittle: i think its just important to always bring yourself back to reality and to the rest of the world
EKLittle: its like, play dodge ball but recognize "I am playing dodgeball right now, but will go home and pay my bills"

JeffreyBeaumont: !!!

JeffreyBeaumont: wow

Labels: BEAUMONT, exercise, fucktactics, live, lolgore

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 11/28/2009 12:23:00 AM 1 comments

1 Comments:

ezruh sellof said...: RE: This post, see this Slaughterhouse 90210 post; 11/28/2009 12:58:00 AM

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Tuesday, November 24, 2009
DORKCLIMBERS

JeffreyBeaumont: jayson greene used the word "horkheimered" in his review of the latest gift of gab record for pitchfork
SheHateMe: holy shit!
SheHateMe: what's the sentence?
JeffreyBeaumont: "He gets in his own way time and again here; on 'Dreamin', he flounders over a stuttering, malfunctioning-robot delivery while both Del Tha Funkee Homosapien and Brother Ali lap him easily by trying half as hard. Worse, once you extricate his words from the horkheimered contraptions he has ensnared them in, you are usually left with lines limper than day-old pasta."

JeffreyBeaumont: but seriously
JeffreyBeaumont: is horkheimered a word?
jaychampionvinyl: hahahahahahahahah
jaychampionvinyl: nah
JeffreyBeaumont: really?
jaychampionvinyl: I have sometimes seen it used to describe needlessly convoluted structures
jaychampionvinyl: like, once
jaychampionvinyl: hahaha
jaychampionvinyl: I googled it today after we had that exchange and now can't find anything
jaychampionvinyl: I don't THINK I am capable of seriously just inventing that level of neologism
jaychampionvinyl: but I don't know how or where I came across it
jaychampionvinyl: what's more, TWO editors at Pfork edited this review and neither of them seemed to have the slightest bit of a problem of "horkheimer"
jaychampionvinyl: which is amazing in its own right
JeffreyBeaumont: hahhahah
JeffreyBeaumont: fucking dicks
jaychampionvinyl: HORKHEIMER
JeffreyBeaumont: PORKSLIMER
jaychampionvinyl: DORK CLIMBER
jaychampionvinyl: hahahahahahah
jaychampionvinyl: FORK DINER
jaychampionvinyl: CORK BLINDER
JeffreyBeaumont: STORK WHINER
jaychampionvinyl: TORQUE MINDER

SheHateMe: wow
SheHateMe: this word will be jayson's legacy

Labels: curiosities, IMs, lolgore, words

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 11/24/2009 01:31:00 PM 0 comments

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Monday, November 23, 2009
Don't Get Abused By Those Fat Bitches

The above is a note found amidst all of the leftover shit we cleaned up after our conference last week, presumably penned by some of the help we'd hired to assist at a dinner; I am assuming they are speaking in regard to some of my female colleagues.

In case you can't read it, it says:

Writer #1: "We keep getting left out of the 'Do you need anything? Do you want food?' loop"

Writer #2: "I know!! Why do they hate us?? I feel like we are being abused by those fat bitches."

Seriously!

I have already laughed out loud at this note eighteen times today, and it has already gone up on my bulletin board next to my Pink Floyd pig and note from my co-worker's daughter.

Labels: curiosities, lolgore, REAL LIFE IMs

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 11/23/2009 04:08:00 PM 0 comments

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Jingo Bingo, Best Rest, Grandma QTip, Nana Mandindo, A Tribe Called Quest

JeffreyBeaumont: i'm having a few people over tonight to play scrabble and drink hot toddys
jaychampionvinyl: haha of course you are
jaychampionvinyl: just like my Nana
JeffreyBeaumont: "Best Grandma Alive"
JeffreyBeaumont: "when she play scrabble she only go bingo / dominate her foes til they go jingo / for her, that is: queen above the rest / Nana on top, the motherfucking best"
jaychampionvinyl: who is that?
JeffreyBeaumont: umm
JeffreyBeaumont: i just made that up
JeffreyBeaumont: as an ode to your fucking Nana
jaychampionvinyl: hahahahahahaha

jaychampionvinyl: oh
JeffreyBeaumont: you are supposed to say, "Wow, that was quite clever"

jaychampionvinyl: I thought it was weird Q-Tip line I didn't know!
jaychampionvinyl: how's that for a compliment??

Labels: family, IMs, lolgore, quickthoughts, rap

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 11/23/2009 02:45:00 PM 0 comments

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Sunday, November 22, 2009
Every Once In A While I'm Thrown By The Clues In The New York Times Crossword Puzzle

By thrown I mean, "Surprised that this is actually a clue they're giving us."

Labels: curiosities, lolgore, quicksnaps

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 11/22/2009 11:18:00 AM 0 comments

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Sunday, November 15, 2009
Incidental Conflationaries

Am I the only one who repeatedly accords Gore Verbinski all kinds of unnecessary accreditation because I keep confusing him with Gore Vidal?

Labels: case studies, GORE, lolgore

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 11/15/2009 10:41:00 PM 0 comments

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Cat Eyes

Facebook suggested that I befriend this former high school classmate who, like many other non-friended former high school classmates, I have a reason for not currently having as friends.

While I definitely plan on taking a pass here too, I couldn't help but be drawn to her strange and seemingly unironic choice for a profile photo. Girls holding cats in general says something, but there's something specifically odd about the look in this cat's eyes that is just supremely deprarious.

JeffreyBeaumont: this is seriously an unironic facebook photo of a girl i went to high school with
SheHateMe: hahaha
SheHateMe: the best thing about that photo is
SheHateMe: that the cat is making the face I made when I saw the picture

Labels: deprarious, lolgore

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 11/15/2009 01:09:00 PM 0 comments

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Saturday, November 14, 2009
Anatomy of a Haircut

Labels: BEAUMONT, lolgore

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 11/14/2009 12:43:00 PM 0 comments

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Monday, November 09, 2009
Ball Ache Etc.

JeffreyBeaumont: i just got a work email from a client with the line, "Is filming the lunch out of the question, or just logistically a ball ache?"
jaychampionvinyl: LOGISTICALLY A BALL ACHE
jaychampionvinyl: you are winning life

Labels: IMs, Jayson Greene In Spirit, lolgore

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 11/09/2009 05:16:00 PM 0 comments

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Thursday, November 05, 2009
Happy Wing Day, Jayson

Today is Jayson Greene's birthday. God, I love that man. For every reason i've ever stated, and more.

jaychampionvinyl: hey hey hey

jaychampionvinyl: question

jaychampionvinyl: tonight

JeffreyBeaumont: yes

jaychampionvinyl: I am thinking we get hot wings

jaychampionvinyl: at this establishmentL

jaychampionvinyl: http://www.bbqincrvc.com/Croxley/Manhattan_Main_Page.html

jaychampionvinyl: here is a close -up pic of the wings at this establishment:

jaychampionvinyl: http://pennypalate.files.wordpress.com/2008/10/wings.jpg

JeffreyBeaumont: hahahahaha dude

JeffreyBeaumont: you are amazing

Labels: IMs, Jayson Greene In Spirit, lolgore

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 11/05/2009 02:04:00 PM 1 comments

1 Comments:

jayson said...: The love is felt, and it warms my heart, as always. WING DAY; 11/05/2009 04:40:00 PM

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Monday, November 02, 2009
Sleep Surfers

KB: so i am gonna have my first couch surfer on thursday and friday night.
JeffreyBeaumont: haaa the first one
JeffreyBeaumont: wow
JeffreyBeaumont: that's awesome
KB: yep
KB: i mean, the first full on random dude in my house that i dont plan on sleeping with
KB: that i met on the internet, no less

Labels: IMs, lolgore

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 11/02/2009 04:22:00 PM 2 comments

2 Comments:

ezruh sellof said...: doink.; 11/02/2009 09:58:00 PM
Anonymous said...: Be a friend .. not some sort of ego head .. and tell her to read "Looking For Mr. Goodbar". Are you even seriously thinking? No. For the most part, your contributions are ... Me, Me, Me .. and I'm whining & I'm trying to sound profound but I can't really formulate a complete thought. Just pathetic.; 11/07/2009 01:06:00 AM

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Friday, October 30, 2009
Clearly, There Is Much I Do Not Know

SigSauer: dude, judith light is on both ugly betty and law and order svu

and she is awesome

Labels: IMs, lolgore

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 10/30/2009 08:20:00 PM 0 comments

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Thursday, October 29, 2009
The Two Jayoots

Weird IM chat list yesterday with two Jayson Greenes

JeffreyBeaumont: there are no longer two jayson greenes on my chat list
JeffreyBeaumont: just you
JeffreyBeaumont: i met the "other" jayson greene last night
JeffreyBeaumont: she was alarmed that her identity had been usurped
jaychampionvinyl: haahahaa!
jaychampionvinyl: but you assured her that her identity had been stolen by someone highly reputable?
JeffreyBeaumont: of course
JeffreyBeaumont: to the point of confusing her

JeffreyBeaumont: you are now showing up as lindsay
JeffreyBeaumont: and not jayson greene
JeffreyBeaumont: congratulations
Lindsay: oh goodie
Lindsay: i can't stop having my crisis of identity now!
Lindsay: *can
JeffreyBeaumont: hahaha
JeffreyBeaumont: i like the fact that your response was accidently not very assured
Lindsay: clearly i am still in crisis over here
Lindsay: this jason character has really messed with my head
JeffreyBeaumont: YEZZZIR
JeffreyBeaumont: BYE

jaychampionvinyl: hahahaha

Labels: curiosities, IMs, lolgore, YEZZIR

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 10/29/2009 11:38:00 AM 0 comments

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Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Bossing Memory

So last night Doorknobs, Jayson, and I were having a conversation about how Judith Light is a human that no one should ever remember, and that it was crazy we were even able to talk about her.

And then now today:

ElDram: I'm not quite syure what im going to wear
ElDram: my friend wants me to be judith light
ElDram: which is fine except its like frump city and i cant really feel attractive wearing a onesie pants suit
ElDram: so i was thinking jane fonda circa 80s workout tapes

jaychampionvinyl: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
jaychampionvinyl: no
jaychampionvinyl: NO
jaychampionvinyl: how
jaychampionvinyl: is'
jaychampionvinyl: that
jaychampionvinyl: possible

hotdoorknobs: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hotdoorknobs: W
hotdoorknobs: T
hotdoorknobs: F
hotdoorknobs: JUDITH FUCKING LIGHT
hotdoorknobs: that is seriously cosmic

Sometimes these things just seem crazy.

Labels: curiosities, IMs, lolgore

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 10/28/2009 04:53:00 PM 0 comments

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Good Job?

This piece of handmade advertising, found in Coney Island with Mia a few weeks ago, is almost hilariously not helpful or informative. And from what I can tell, GoodJob.tk doesn't even really advertise anything--it's just a junker dumpzone ad space. But make sure to take note: KIDS TOO!

Labels: curiosities, lolgore, quicksnaps

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 10/28/2009 07:59:00 AM 1 comments

1 Comments:

E-BAD said...: tk posted that; 11/01/2009 04:58:00 PM

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Tuesday, October 27, 2009
"So A Bunch Of Sissy Pacificists Walk Into A Pistol Range..."

Larger here.

Some scenes from this past weekend's terrific and massively fun visit to the West Side Pistol & Rifle Range.

Surprisingly--or perhaps not at all--KJ (in photo at bottom) was probably the best marksmen of us all--her target sheet was obviously ridiculously good. I was very easily the worst or second worst out of our group of nine. So there's that.

Tally Ho!

LISTEN:
Gang of Four - "Guns Before Butter", Entertainment!

Larger here.

Labels: BEAUMONT, curiosities, lolgore, photography, quicksnaps, YEZZIR

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 10/27/2009 10:48:00 PM 0 comments

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Sunday, October 25, 2009
Rock Lobster / Glock Knapsack

This is 100% real. I would also love to investigate those needing not XL or XXL shirts, but XXXL.

Labels: curiosities, lolgore, quicksnaps

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 10/25/2009 09:06:00 AM 0 comments

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Saturday, October 24, 2009
Careful When Wet

Rest assured, I firmly supported that Corona sixer with a flat-palmed left hand.

Labels: curiosities, lolgore, quicksnaps

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 10/24/2009 02:36:00 PM 0 comments

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Friday, October 23, 2009
My Craze Game Is At An All-Time High

I take it as a sign that officework-driven madness is afoot when my dreams at night entail situations where I'm hanging out with coworkers and Cam'ron together, them mostly bombarding with me questions about "lazer spit" and "baguettes".

"What is he saying?"

I have no idea, lady.

Labels: deprarious, fucktactics, lolgore

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 10/23/2009 11:46:00 AM 0 comments

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Thursday, October 22, 2009
The Beaumont Nerderati: KJ

Katie Jane, in the middle

After writing a bit about Mark Jaffe, King of Men, I'm going to begin slowly introducing some of the rest of my amigos of the world to you. I already reference them semi-constantly and they are all such great specimens of humanity that they really deserve their own placards. These people make up the coterie known as the Beaumont Nerderati, aka the people that inspire me to do everything.

So continuing...

My friend Katie (KJ) is a sweet, polymath genius of sorts, a lover of books and knitting and words and curiosities of the world. She is also one of the planet's pre-eminent MS Paint artists (as you can see above).

In an effort to "get the write out", Katie has thrown herself into the world of blogging by writing on not just one but FOUR blogs. Yes, totally crazy. But as a form of post-RSS life filtering, she has now set up one of them to serve as a catch-all director to the others, where you will be able to see links to all of her posts as they go up on the nets, inter.

Behold, the Debauched Sloth: http://thesnug.tumblr.com/

Please everyone, check her steez out, as Katie is brilliant and funny and mainly possessor of one of the wryer senses of humor that I'm aware of a human holding (other than, perhaps, her roommate Sanam).

Labels: Beaumont Nerderati, friends, lolgore

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 10/22/2009 12:04:00 PM 1 comments

1 Comments:

KJ said...: oh dear god, i've been outed; 10/22/2009 01:31:00 PM

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Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Another Girl, Another Planet

EAGross: ugh
EAGross: why is the radio obsessed with aaron copland right now?
EAGross: i fuckin hate that dude

JeffreyBeaumont: hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahaaahhahahaah

JeffreyBeaumont: I'm fascinated to learn more about the planet that you live on

Labels: IMs, lolgore

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 10/20/2009 11:07:00 PM 1 comments

1 Comments:

elizabeth said...: you didn't say that. but thanks for correcting my spelling mistake in any case.; 10/21/2009 02:02:00 PM

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Wen You Might Have Seen A Ghost / I'm Glad I'm Not The Inventor Of The Internet

jaychampionvinyl: I don't understand this
jaychampionvinyl: haha
JeffreyBeaumont: a small asian girl has been leaving me notes
JeffreyBeaumont: I do not understand what they mean
JeffreyBeaumont: or why they were written for me
jaychampionvinyl: you literally found these notes?

jaychampionvinyl: how do you know she is a small Asian girl?
JeffreyBeaumont: i saw her in the corner of my eye
jaychampionvinyl: what!?!?!?!?!?!
jaychampionvinyl: she's in your office??
JeffreyBeaumont: yes
jaychampionvinyl: umm...
jaychampionvinyl: is she real?
JeffreyBeaumont: i did not write those notes myself
JeffreyBeaumont: though using the name "Wen" and offering no photo would certainly be tough evidence in favor of me being an insane person
jaychampionvinyl: well
jaychampionvinyl: she kinda sounds like either a ghost or a creepy/terrifying hallucination

-----------------

Sanam: this is amazing

Sanam: also, you are intensely prolific
JeffreyBeaumont: ADHD
JeffreyBeaumont: to the megafucking max
JeffreyBeaumont: "the persistent and pervasive effects of ADHD symptoms can insidiously and severely interfere with one's ability to get the most out of education and fulfill one's potential in the workplace"
Sanam: "but the internet is forever grateful"
JeffreyBeaumont: i was born in advance of the internet so that when it launched i would able to help it hit the ground running
Sanam: that is a huge amount of foresight on the part of your parents
JeffreyBeaumont: well, they did vote for al gore after all
JeffreyBeaumont: inventor of the Internet and foreseerer of geoclimactic devastation
Sanam: what a terrible fate
Sanam: to be a sage shaman-type figure, but not charismatic enough for anyone to pay any attention
Sanam: like if jesus came back to earth, but he was a mannequin in a macy's window
JeffreyBeaumont: wow. that is amazing.

Labels: IMs, Jayson Greene In Spirit, lolgore

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 10/20/2009 06:15:00 PM 0 comments

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A Small Asian Girl Has Been Leaving Notes In My Office Doorway

"Jeffrey, You Are So Lucky That You Will Be On The News Paper!"

I have no idea who she belongs to or where she came from. I also do not have any idea what she means or is referencing. From the corner of my eye she appeared to be about 7 years old; I think she's probably a little delusional. Also, her name rhymes with mine.

"Thanks. I will write about you now." "[OTHER SIDE--->>>]"

"Jeffrey is working so hard. Thanks so so much Ben for working hard." "NEWS"

Labels: curiosities, god letters, lolgore, REAL LIFE IMs

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 10/20/2009 05:39:00 PM 1 comments

1 Comments:

E-BAD said...: news tomorrow? violent threats! ORRRR you've gone COMPLETELY insane.; 10/20/2009 07:16:00 PM

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YEZZIR: Inky Edition

JeffreyBeaumont: just out of curiousity what would you think if i got "PAINS 4EVER" tattooed on my arms?
hotdorknobs: i would lick it until the wound healed

YEZZIR.

Labels: IMs, lolgore, YEZZIR

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 10/20/2009 05:25:00 PM 0 comments

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Monday, October 19, 2009
Modern Life

anonyfriend: So, Dude i'm seeing was mistakenly convinced i had an std all week
JeffreyBeaumont: !!!
anonyfriend: hahaha
anonyfriend: because he said "just so you know, i don't have anything"
anonyfriend: and i thought he meant condoms
anonyfriend: and i was like, "oh, i do"
anonyfriend: hahahaha
anonyfriend: and then like three days later, he was like, "can we talk about what it is that you have?"
anonyfriend: hahahahahaha
JeffreyBeaumont: is it all sorted out now?
anonyfriend: yes
anonyfriend: i was like, "wait, what do you mean what i have?"
anonyfriend: and he was like, "when i said i didn't have anything, you said you did"
anonyfriend: and i said, "right, like condoms"
anonyfriend: and he was like, "wait, you mean you're CLEAN!?"
JeffreyBeaumont: but he still boned you anyway thinking you had an STD?
anonyfriend: no no
anonyfriend: we didn't bone until after this conversation
anonyfriend: which made things extra confusing at the time, because i was like, why is he telling me he has no condoms when we aren't even doing it?
anonyfriend: but also, i love the fact that after i cheerily said something that led him to believe i had an std, he waited three days to bring it up again
JeffreyBeaumont: hahaha
anonyfriend: ah, modern life

Labels: fucktactics, IMs, lolgore

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 10/19/2009 12:14:00 PM 0 comments

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Friday, October 16, 2009
This Is What Happens When You Are Trapped On A Chinatown Bus For Too Long

There is also a braid in my hair now.

My uncle wrote Lil Beau and I an email today letting us know he'd pick us up from Boston. Love that man:

"It is my understanding that you folks are taking the bus (Chinese bus way too fast!) up from NYC. Just in case the bus driver is driving too fast I took the liberty to look up the Chinese translation for slow down. It is 'chi huan xiang xia' so please feel free to yell it at the bus driver if you feel the need. If by chance I got the translation wrong then I'm sure you will know immediately by the drivers reaction........"

When I texted him 15 min ago to say there'd be an accident on the road and we were delayed by an hour-plus, he wrote back:

"No worries..sorry I didn't translate "go faster!'"

Labels: fucktactics, IMs, lolgore, REAL LIFE IMs

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 10/16/2009 10:00:00 PM 0 comments

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