Slang Editorial :: Never Underestimate The Value Of A Holla'

Slang Archivals:

Thursday, June 04, 2009
It's Always Sunny When You're Not Home

One item of my luggage

Waiting to retrieve checked baggage after getting off my flight this morning gave me all the reminder I needed as to how supremely wonderful it was flying to Berlin in April and only bringing carry-on bags.

It seemed to take forever for my bags to come this morning, and the passing minutes brought me a small amount of worry as I recalled my exchange with the Delta attendant yesterday in New York who attempted some rare in-airport humor by asking me if I was looking forward to my trip to Tel Aviv (??!). It was a strange joke given that a) airport dudes rarely joke about anything and b) why Tel Aviv? Because I look Jewish and it's weird I'm going to Germany? Because I look German and obviously I wouldn't go to Tel Aviv? It was strange, and the man's laughter and odd look was stranger when I asked him if that had been a joke.

The end result as I stood around waiting for my belongings to come up on the conveyor belt was the sudden thought that maybe in fact it hadn't been a joke afterall, and that my stuff really had been sent along to Tel Aviv to be enjoyed by the members of some shtetl outside the city. Waaaa. But no, sure enough, they appeared and I made ready to leave.

Of course, however, when one of your five travel items is not a bag but the creepy looking cardboard box above, you should probably expect not to make it through customs without incident. And, sure enough, I was stopped while passing through and asked (auf Deutsch) to pull to the side and open up the box. The man who was inspecting me immediately began babbling in German and I stated firmly, "Ich kann nicht Deutsch" (I can't speak German). He then replied in German that it didn't matter and kept speaking in German to me as we began pulling the tape off of my box together. I do understand a little German--which is either nice or disappointing considering that I studied it for five years--and it seemed he needed confirmation I wasn't carrying a bomb or some other kind of explosives inside the box.

When the box was finally opened, I have to say I registered a bit of disappointment in his face mixed with the obvious relief and "Whatever"ness.

Not all that exciting if you're expecting a bomb.

As I began packaging the box back up, he tapped me on the shoulder and looked at me conspiratorially before speaking softly,

"Ja, ok, alles klaar. Haben Sie eine Zigarette?"

Seriously?? I laughed and walked away.

Labels: fucktactics, junkjunk, lolgore, travel

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 6/04/2009 05:45:00 AM 1 comments

1 Comments:

E-BAD said...: OR- "I don't know German," non?; 6/05/2009 01:38:00 AM

Links to this post:

<$BlogBacklinkTitle$>: <$BlogBacklinkSnippet$>
posted by <$BlogBacklinkAuthor$> @ <$BlogBacklinkDateTime$>

Tuesday, June 02, 2009
Like

As does Jeffrey Beaumont

One thing I have recently come to enjoy more and more are the surrealist and almost exquisite corpse-like qualities of the Facebook "Like" function and the great possibilities it holds as a gateway into our souls.

As it is, "Status Updates" on their own are something of a small art form: life poetry on an empirical, uberminimalist scale. The best ones are even shorter than Twitter feeds, bringing new meaning to the idea of the "one-liner".

As stream-of-consciousness life narratives informed by varying wills to be "smart" and "look good", they say so much about our lives and our society. But the addition of the "Like" function adds a whole other dimension to these updates, as they provide an opportunity for an even simpler meta-commentary take on the lives of others. So simple and minimalist is the possibility for commentary that it doesn't even meet the reductionist bar of Boolean binary logic. That is, you aren't given a choice to "Like" or "Not Like" something; instead, you say you "Like" something, or you don't say anything: not yes or no, but yes or not yes.

And of course, none of this would be as interesting as it is if it these update/like combos didn't generate some truly absurdist moments (ie, example above). It's almost like the perfect joke: crazy/awesome 2009 life notes mitigated by specifically under-explicated thumbs-ups. It's too much, and I fucking love it.

Labels: case studies, junkjunk, thoughts

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 6/02/2009 04:27:00 AM 1 comments

1 Comments:

elizabeth said...: i'm always a little shocked when someone "likes" a status update that reveals some anguish in my life - like this one, for example. whitney q. thompson, could you really be glad that i puked all morning just to write a sentence that pleased you? o, it's a cruel, cruel world.; 6/02/2009 02:07:00 PM

Links to this post:

<$BlogBacklinkTitle$>: <$BlogBacklinkSnippet$>
posted by <$BlogBacklinkAuthor$> @ <$BlogBacklinkDateTime$>

Monday, June 01, 2009
WANTED: Life-Coordination Team

I am fairly sure that if I were to hire a consultant to evaluate my life from a business perspective, he or she would recommend that my only hope for success would be to lay off the entire staff--save the creative director--and bring on a new team with, most importantly, a new Chief Operating Officer. (Clearly, dude running the show right now is adrift at sea and needs to be let go before he loses me in the Bermuda Triangle of lost souls.)

Labels: BEAUMONT, case studies, empty promises, FAIL, fucktactics, junkjunk

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 6/01/2009 06:13:00 PM 1 comments

1 Comments:

E-BAD said...: I'm laughing WITH you... when you're done with the reconfiguration send your people my way.; 6/01/2009 10:52:00 PM

Links to this post:

<$BlogBacklinkTitle$>: <$BlogBacklinkSnippet$>
posted by <$BlogBacklinkAuthor$> @ <$BlogBacklinkDateTime$>

Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Emergency Barndoor Suicide

Super rare song by long-forgotten Canadian proto-indies Pillowfight. Track it down if you can find it.

When I listen to this record, it's so close and intense, it's like I can imagine the very faces of each band member groaning and grunting through these tracks. Hopefully Sundazed or Rough Trade reissues this shit someday.

Labels: fucktactics, junkjunk, lolgore, music

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 5/26/2009 07:21:00 PM 0 comments

0 Comments:

Links to this post:

<$BlogBacklinkTitle$>: <$BlogBacklinkSnippet$>
posted by <$BlogBacklinkAuthor$> @ <$BlogBacklinkDateTime$>

Thursday, May 14, 2009
ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN WHEN YOU LIVE IN AMERICA

I really don't need to talk about this but

WHAT

THE

FUCK?

YEAH, OK.

"I have been waiting for this book for years now! It should be especially handy for people who cannot stand milk, or cheese." -Buggy

Labels: CRAZY, fucktactics, junkjunk, lolgore

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 5/14/2009 05:07:00 PM 1 comments

1 Comments:

mabel de silentio said...: goodness gracious.; 5/14/2009 06:06:00 PM

Links to this post:

<$BlogBacklinkTitle$>: <$BlogBacklinkSnippet$>
posted by <$BlogBacklinkAuthor$> @ <$BlogBacklinkDateTime$>

Thursday, May 07, 2009
If Use The Force You Do, In Right Place Everything Will Be

from here

Labels: junkjunk, lolgore, music, quicksnaps

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 5/07/2009 02:55:00 PM 0 comments

0 Comments:

Links to this post:

<$BlogBacklinkTitle$>: <$BlogBacklinkSnippet$>
posted by <$BlogBacklinkAuthor$> @ <$BlogBacklinkDateTime$>

Wednesday, April 29, 2009
On My Continuingly Strange Relationship With Physical Possessions

Two delightfully deprarious Beaumont Life news bits to share from yesterday:

1) So after last week having a third light stolen off my bike (my fault, sure, but yeah awesome!!!), I had the real cake last night when, after getting to my bike at 7:40pm, I noticed that someone had stolen my motherfucking SEAT POST CLAMP. What is a seat post clamp even, you ask? Well it's this and the image above.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thankfully they hadn't actually stolen my seat since I am now in the habit of bringing both that and the front wheel into my office, but it never even occurred to me that someone might consider stealing a seemingly innocent $6 item like a seatpost clamp. Hell, I didn't even realize that mine could be removed from the bike! But beyond the general annoyingness of having to shell out $6 more on bike products, what it also meant was that I had to make yet ANOTHER trip from 50 St & 6 Av to 12 St & Av C to get to the only bike shop I know of open at 7:55pm on a weeknight, Continuum Cycles [they are awesome, FYI. I bought my bike there are you should love them if you can]. Thankfully I squeaked in as they were literally locking the door to the shop and got the requisite clamp so I could do a little sitting down on the rest of my journey. This shit is just getting to be straight fucking deprarious. If a bike is not safe in midtown Manhattan during a weekday in broad daylight, where the fuck might it be safe? Ahh yes, in my office where I'm not allowed to store it.

But yeah, let's not forget about...

Our car, in better days

2) No joke, but I got a call from a police officer that, somehow, my mom's stolen car has been found and re-appeared in south Williamsburg sans stereo (have fun without the faceplate, fuckers).

I haven't seen the car yet, but apparently it's still in drivable shape and is being held by a tow company to be returned to the insurance company who are now its owners.

What the fuck, right? Life is fucking strange these days.

Labels: BEAUMONT, case studies, curiosities, deprarious, disappointment, FAIL, junkjunk, memories

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 4/29/2009 11:38:00 AM 1 comments

1 Comments:

Illuminotec said...: Shit man that sucks. Have you ever thought about just bolting down every piece of your bike. That seems like the only way to avoid getting it stolen. Another interesting idea might be to create some kind of elaborate bear trap for a would be thief. If not bolts of bear traps maybe you should get in touch with these guys: http://www.cyberbond1.com/ and see if they have anything that could help.; 4/30/2009 12:29:00 AM

Links to this post:

<$BlogBacklinkTitle$>: <$BlogBacklinkSnippet$>
posted by <$BlogBacklinkAuthor$> @ <$BlogBacklinkDateTime$>

Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Double End of Workday Fail

So it's 7:30 and I'm still at the office, working inefficiently while I try to tie up a great many loose ends before heading to Berlin on Friday. Obviously though, I'm struggling, as I've just experienced a sad double fail.

Fail #1: My contacts were getting dry from being in all day and I used some drops, but I forgot to wipe the excess contact solution off my face; hence, silly red "tear streaks":

Fail #2: I went into the bathroom to attempt to wash the tear streaks off, and I reached for some toilet paper only to watch the entire dispenser collapse onto the floor. I have had this happen on shitty dispensers at home but never from an industrial version before.

One of those kind of weeks at the office...

Labels: FAIL, fucktactics, junkjunk, lolgore

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 4/15/2009 07:33:00 PM 0 comments

0 Comments:

Links to this post:

<$BlogBacklinkTitle$>: <$BlogBacklinkSnippet$>
posted by <$BlogBacklinkAuthor$> @ <$BlogBacklinkDateTime$>

Saturday, April 11, 2009
Creating Spreadsheet-Style Tables in Blogger

I don't know about you all, but as a numbers- and facts-loving man, I have spent years feeling frustrated over not knowing how to post spreadsheet-style tables in my blog entries. I have tried all sorts of methods and nothing has worked out in a fashion I find to be satisfactory--either strange looking, not always evenly lined up pages or ghetto-tech images. I've ultimately settled on the latter, as they at least look visually close to the table I'd like folks to see--however, anyone who cares about the numbers as much as I do should be frustrated by the fact that the fascinating numbers I've identified are uncopy-able, locked into the JPG like flies in resin. This has always left me with a very unscientific and unmath-like feeling, and therefore my hunger for real tables has stayed with me unabated.

I'm pleased to report now though that I've finally figured out the past way to post honest-to-goodness real tables into Blogger (without having any kind of HTML knowledge), as discovered by some advice by this link here. In this post, the author identifies three ways of posting tables, listing the two ways I've just identified, but also adding a third by utilizing the Spreadsheets function in Google Docs--and lo and behold it works great! (See my last post for an example).

The how-to description follows here:

Creating Table in Google Spread Sheet
Creating the table in Google’s Document, i.e., Spread Sheet, is quite easy, and moreover after publishing the table, you can just copy the code and place it in your blog’s post where you want the table to appear.

How to create table using Google Document’s Spreadsheet?

Creating the table is quite easy in Google Spread Sheet, the following things to be noted while to create the table,

Go to the blogger’s “dashboard”.
Click on “My Account” on the extreme right side.
Under “My Products”, click “DOCS”.
Now click NEW > SPREAD SHEET
The SpreadSheet is divided into Rows (number going down) and Columns (letters going across)
Now fill the information in the spread sheet and make the formatting as desired.
Save the spreadsheet by clicking, FILE > SAVE
Now publish the sheet, click Share, then > Publish as a Web Page
Select Sheet 1 Only in the next box under “What Parts”
Then at the bottom of that box, click “More Publishing Options”
In the next box that pops open, choose the HTML format: HTML embeded in a web page
“What Sheets” click “Sheet 1 Only”…again.
Now count the numbers of the table, i.e., The starting cell and the end cell in exactly diagonal fashion.
Then click “generate URL”

And now you are done to publish the post in your blog. Just copy that code into your post and hence your spread sheet/table is on your post.

I'm very geekily excited about what the future holds for me due to this new incredibly unimportant development.

Labels: BEAUMONT, case studies, curiosities, junkjunk, late arrivals, statistics

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 4/11/2009 02:50:00 PM 0 comments

0 Comments:

Links to this post:

<$BlogBacklinkTitle$>: <$BlogBacklinkSnippet$>
posted by <$BlogBacklinkAuthor$> @ <$BlogBacklinkDateTime$>

Tuesday, April 07, 2009
The Seemingly Always Terrible World Of Z-Bo

The Los Angeles Clippers suspended forward Zach Randolph for two games on Monday after he was arrested for investigation of drunken driving hours after the team's 88-85 loss to the Los Angeles Lakers.

"I regret that the situation happened. I hope people don't rush to judgment," Randolph said. "All I have to do now is focus on basketball and let the process run its course. Let it work itself out."

He was already suspended two games in February for punching a Phoenix player.

Randolph downplayed his latest misstep.

"Situations like this happen," he said. "It happens all around the league in every sport. A lot of stuff I can't comment on right now."

If he keeps at it, dude will soon challenge Stephon Marbury for the tag of "bad behavior/attitude making every time worse upon arriving, better upon leaving". Keep at it, buddy!

Labels: basketball, fucktactics, junkjunk

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 4/07/2009 08:42:00 AM 0 comments

0 Comments:

Links to this post:

<$BlogBacklinkTitle$>: <$BlogBacklinkSnippet$>
posted by <$BlogBacklinkAuthor$> @ <$BlogBacklinkDateTime$>

Friday, April 03, 2009
LiszBrontomania!

hotdorknobs: http://www.lebronisreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallygood.com/
hotdorknobs: do you think the cavs made it?
JeffreyBeaumont: i dunno
JeffreyBeaumont: i would think not
JeffreyBeaumont: given that it has "Player Efficiency Rating" lists
JeffreyBeaumont: but then on the other hand they have a stat category "Pts + Asts + Rebs Total = 43.3"
JeffreyBeaumont: which is like saying, "i am a good boyfriend because i have two pairs of diesel jeans, 1000 cds, and 32 friends"
JeffreyBeaumont: which = 1034 cool boyfriend points
JeffreyBeaumont: that's the kind of retard stat i would expect PR agencies to use
hotdorknobs: hahah
hotdorknobs: retardstats.tumblr.com
hotdorknobs: that doesn't exist
hotdorknobs: but would be funny
JeffreyBeaumont: oh
JeffreyBeaumont: i just went there
JeffreyBeaumont: I said "Yes!!!"
JeffreyBeaumont: But, now, Oh.
hotdorknobs: haha sorry
JeffreyBeaumont: fuck it, i'm registering it now
JeffreyBeaumont: just in case
hotdorknobs: YES
JeffreyBeaumont: "Tallied 33 points, 14 rebounds and nine assists on Jan. 24th at Utah, becoming the first player to record at least those numbers in a non-overtime game since Kevin Garnett in 2004."
JeffreyBeaumont: "With 38 points, seven rebounds, six assists, three blocks and four steals versus Boston on Jan. 9, he became the first person reach those numbers in a game since David Robinson on March 19, 1994."
hotdorknobs: whoa we talkin about?
JeffreyBeaumont: those are hilariously arbitrary statbars
hotdorknobs: hahaha
JeffreyBeaumont: and great examples of why "scouts hate stats"
hotdorknobs: one might even say hilariously RETARDED
JeffreyBeaumont: retardstats.tumblr.com
hotdorknobs: hahahahah
hotdorknobs: YES
JeffreyBeaumont: on second hand i bet this site was designed either by his agent or his PR people
JeffreyBeaumont: MAYBE the cavs
JeffreyBeaumont: but definitely not a regular fan
JeffreyBeaumont: "LeBron James finished March with 479 points, 152 rebounds and 143 assists. The only other player in NBA history to reach each of those totals in one month is Oscar Robertson, who did it in eight separate months, most recently in January 1965"
hotdorknobs: "on march 14th, lebron james ate five (5) banana splits, the most since brad daugherty's infamous 'six split sunday' in 1993"
JeffreyBeaumont: god yes, that is the fucking GOLD i am looking for

Labels: basketball, fucktactics, IMs, junkjunk, lolgore

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 4/03/2009 04:47:00 PM 0 comments

0 Comments:

Links to this post:

<$BlogBacklinkTitle$>: <$BlogBacklinkSnippet$>
posted by <$BlogBacklinkAuthor$> @ <$BlogBacklinkDateTime$>

The Torrential Onslaught of the Future

Thanks to Ez-rock Diehard for this one:

It sounds like something out of a Philip K. Dick novel: a tiny computer, worn around your neck, that lets you surf the Web from any location and project it onto any surface. But MIT Media Lab’s Sixth Sense machine allows you to do just that.

Seriously, I am on this shit:

All of which is working toward the eventual biomechanical creation of forearm embedded touch screen control devices, followed down the road by in-brain WiMax computer interfaces.

Not joking.

Labels: curiosities, empty promises, junkjunk, quickthoughts

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 4/03/2009 12:29:00 PM 0 comments

0 Comments:

Links to this post:

<$BlogBacklinkTitle$>: <$BlogBacklinkSnippet$>
posted by <$BlogBacklinkAuthor$> @ <$BlogBacklinkDateTime$>

Wednesday, April 01, 2009
NOT Foolz Gold

Umm, i guess real gold?

Thanks Anna, for this:

I never thought I'd see the day when teletubbies and humans merge into one terrifying life being.

What the fuck is happening to our society???

Labels: deprarious, fucktactics, junkjunk, lolgore

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 4/01/2009 04:58:00 PM 1 comments

1 Comments:

E-BAD said...: dare you to buy one for bessie though; 4/02/2009 07:50:00 PM

Links to this post:

<$BlogBacklinkTitle$>: <$BlogBacklinkSnippet$>
posted by <$BlogBacklinkAuthor$> @ <$BlogBacklinkDateTime$>

More Foolz Gold: NIN Edition

God, seriously, I love Trent more every day:

Key track: "Even Closer (f. Justin Timberlake and Maynard James Keenan)"

Looks great!

Labels: case studies, fucktactics, junkjunk, lolgore, love, Nine Inch Nails

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 4/01/2009 03:59:00 PM 0 comments

0 Comments:

Links to this post:

<$BlogBacklinkTitle$>: <$BlogBacklinkSnippet$>
posted by <$BlogBacklinkAuthor$> @ <$BlogBacklinkDateTime$>

Monday, March 30, 2009
All The 14 Year Old Girls Are Wondering: "Daddy, Do the Hipsters Eat?"

JeffreyBeaumont: so Doorknobs, ezra and i ran into my boss this weekend
JeffreyBeaumont: on saturday
JeffreyBeaumont: he was with his three kids
JeffreyBeaumont: and he told me this morning that the first thing his 14 year old daughter said after we walked away was, "Dad!! Those guys are so skinny! Do they eat??"
JeffreyBeaumont: i laughed that one out
jaychampionvinyl: HAAAAAAAAAAAA
jaychampionvinyl: that is fucking AMAZING
jaychampionvinyl: his answer: "some of them eat, some of the time, yes"
JeffreyBeaumont: my coworker thinks probably it's the type of clothing we wear rather than our actual skinniness
jaychampionvinyl: right
jaychampionvinyl: fag clothes, you mean
jaychampionvinyl: that's what you wear
jaychampionvinyl: lady pants
jaychampionvinyl: and fag clothes
JeffreyBeaumont: yes, and that little 14 year old in park slope isn't used to grownup men wearing tight fag clothes
jaychampionvinyl: right, in Park Slope, they wear North Face outdoor gear
jaychampionvinyl: inexplicably
JeffreyBeaumont: at least my clothes are all technically men's clothes
jaychampionvinyl: hahaha
jaychampionvinyl: yes
jaychampionvinyl: I am just remembering, for no reason at all, that you sent your boss that text that said "MOTHERFUCKERS BE TRIPPIN, THE DREAM OF YOUNG JEEZY COMETH TRUE"
jaychampionvinyl: after Obama was elected
JeffreyBeaumont: hahahhahahahahahahahhaah
jaychampionvinyl: and he wrote back: "I don't know if this was meant for me, but I agree"
JeffreyBeaumont: oh man
JeffreyBeaumont: i'd forgotten that
JeffreyBeaumont: Midtown Thug Life 4 Eva
JeffreyBeaumont: I definitely at least half love that man.

Labels: BEAUMONT, IMs, junkjunk, lolgore, memories

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 3/30/2009 01:37:00 PM 0 comments

0 Comments:

Links to this post:

<$BlogBacklinkTitle$>: <$BlogBacklinkSnippet$>
posted by <$BlogBacklinkAuthor$> @ <$BlogBacklinkDateTime$>

Tuesday, March 24, 2009
The Dead Are Eclipsed By The Moon

Maximum dweebage alert: after five months of wearing the shit out of these, I have now faced up to the fact that it's time to upgrade to another pair of kicks.

I had been mulling this decision over recently and had been thinking I'd just go simple and do standard all-white, but sure enough, arriving in my inbox today was a message from Hot Doorknobs saying:

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhh boy. These have Beaumont written all over them."

And goddamned if he wasn't right, and these weren't exactly what I'm looking for. Black! Prisms and Rainbows! I don't really know how I could dream for these to be these any cooler. (Oh yeah, maybe if I could get a Converse version of these ones instead of the dreck produced by the talentless hacks at Nike.)

And boom, they are now mine:

I look forward to wearing these with suits to business meetings to show them what a "heady" business man I make. Harr harr ba zing. I just have to hope that they hold up better than the Dead Cons, because honestly, those shoes more or less began disintegrating after just two months of (admittedly heavy) wear. But at least they're all only $50, which in 2009 is super radical.

If Cons keeps pumping out the rock icons, I will keep rocking the pumps.

Labels: junkjunk, old flames, small giants

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 3/24/2009 02:59:00 AM 0 comments

0 Comments:

Links to this post:

<$BlogBacklinkTitle$>: <$BlogBacklinkSnippet$>
posted by <$BlogBacklinkAuthor$> @ <$BlogBacklinkDateTime$>

Wednesday, March 18, 2009
You Burn Me Up, I'm A Cigarette

As he was, in different times (Oct. 06)

I am home alone this week, as Doorknobs is off touring again*** and Lil' Beaumont is shaking it up in Miami, so I thought it might behoove me to take advantage of the empty home by straightening up a bit. Things began ok until I stumbled across an old crumpled softpack of trusted Camel Lights and I shed a little tear imagining them alone and unsmoked on my bedroom floor. It's been over two and a half months and I'll continue going strong but I can't say I don't miss 'em, especially not as the weather starts getting all nice like it will.

Ah, oui, le soupir eternel.

Pour vos oreilles:
Replacements - "More Cigarettes"
Otis Redding - "Cigarettes and Coffee"
Glen Gray and the Casa Loma Orchestra - "Smoke Rings"

*** -- Also, 5-7, message received and delivered: no boyz in Doorknobs' life but me, and these days even that ain't that much; if he weren't already way spoken for I'd send him your way for sure.

Labels: BEAUMONT, cockblocking, disappointment, fucktactics, junkjunk, quickthoughts, VICTORY

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 3/18/2009 12:51:00 AM 0 comments

0 Comments:

Links to this post:

<$BlogBacklinkTitle$>: <$BlogBacklinkSnippet$>
posted by <$BlogBacklinkAuthor$> @ <$BlogBacklinkDateTime$>

Monday, March 16, 2009
Sometimes All You Can Say Is "Wow"

And to some people all you can say is, "No, SERIOUSLY?"

Some completely fucking crazy dude actually made an SNES style RPG game on the Columbine events called "Super Columbine Massacre", looking as it does in the image above (for a few more screen shots, go here).

I'm generally not one for "shock and uproar", as I think most people tend to overreact about controversial things and bring the issues too close to home, but this time SERIOUSLY DUDE WHAT THE FUCK?

I am thankful for the world's great diversity of attitudes and mindsets, but sometimes I just wonder if they are only meant to serve as an ultimate teardown to ensure that, at least at some point, we will wipe ourselves off the entire planet.

Labels: curiosities, fucktactics, INSANITY, junkjunk, quickthoughts

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 3/16/2009 01:39:00 AM 0 comments

0 Comments:

Links to this post:

<$BlogBacklinkTitle$>: <$BlogBacklinkSnippet$>
posted by <$BlogBacklinkAuthor$> @ <$BlogBacklinkDateTime$>

Monday, March 09, 2009
Woody Allen Angel Dust

JeffreyBeaumont: that fast made me feel crazy in great ways
JeffreyBeaumont: i imagine that if they could bottle and sell my mindset right now it would be something like trashy angel dust
JeffreyBeaumont: no
JeffreyBeaumont: trashy woody allen angel dust
JeffreyBeaumont: remind me that if i am in fact in a punk band that i should suggest a name of "Woody Allen Angel Dust"
JayChampionvinyl: HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
JayChampionvinyl: oh my GOD
JayChampionvinyl: GOLD
JayChampionvinyl: dripping from your fingers
JayChampionvinyl: into my brain
JayChampionvinyl: via Gchat

Labels: IMs, junkjunk, lolgore, thoughts

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 3/09/2009 04:10:00 PM 0 comments

0 Comments:

Links to this post:

<$BlogBacklinkTitle$>: <$BlogBacklinkSnippet$>
posted by <$BlogBacklinkAuthor$> @ <$BlogBacklinkDateTime$>

Friday, February 27, 2009
Depressing/Hilarious?

So I need to come up with a word to describe the three terms:
"depressingly hilarious"
"hilariously depressing" and
"depressing/hilarious"

I realize i've been saying these three things CONSTANTLY the past few weeks, so it's time to put a label on this unique feeling.

Any thoughts?

Labels: junkjunk, thoughts

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 2/27/2009 10:31:00 AM 3 comments

3 Comments:

Mark said...: deprarious?; 2/27/2009 12:06:00 PM
jayson said...: Tragicomic?; 2/27/2009 03:22:00 PM
Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything said...: i think "deprarious" in the sphere of what I was looking for, nice one mark. definitely shooting for a word that does not currently exist.; 3/01/2009 02:07:00 PM

Links to this post:

<$BlogBacklinkTitle$>: <$BlogBacklinkSnippet$>
posted by <$BlogBacklinkAuthor$> @ <$BlogBacklinkDateTime$>

Thursday, February 19, 2009
The Onset of the Age of Universal Deafness

Labels: CRAZY, deafness, fucktactics, god letters, INSANITY, junkjunk, thoughts

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 2/19/2009 08:35:00 PM 1 comments

1 Comments:

Anonymous said...: have you been dropping acid and having a way negative time?; 2/20/2009 01:35:00 AM

Links to this post:

<$BlogBacklinkTitle$>: <$BlogBacklinkSnippet$>
posted by <$BlogBacklinkAuthor$> @ <$BlogBacklinkDateTime$>

Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Soul Loss

Reading a book now on the cultural complication of the new lives of the refugee Hmong people, who immigrated to the US from Thailand after being forced to leave their homeland in Laos. These fierce, proud people truly come from a different world with mindsets that, as far as I can tell, run literally opposite to those of their new American neighbors.

The book is called The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down, which is a description for the way the Hmong translate epilepsy, as they literally believe that epilepsy is the result of a malevolent spirit called a "dab" coming and kidnapping the soul from a person, causing them to fall down.

One part that caught my attention in particular was the following description of "soul loss":

Your soul is like your shadow. Sometimes it just wanders off like a butterfly, and that is when you are sad and that is when you get sick, and if it comes back to you, that is when you are happy and you are well again.

I like this understanding, and it seems to be more true than we Americans allow ourselves to acknowledge. Medicine and clinical objectivity do not and can not bring happiness or fullness into a person's life without that person injecting their own soul with a necessary thrust of humanity. We overmedicate our society and rely too much on other people and other factors beyond what lies within ourselves to find happiness and fulfillment (let alone "good health").

It's worth remembering that there is not a person alive on this planet who is above learning new lessons from any other person--there is no limit to our infinite levels of inexperience. Open minds and open hearts are the surest paths to continued physical, mental, and emotional freedom.

Also: the Hmong people have a phrase for "the truth eventually comes to light," called "yuav paim quav," which literally means "feces will be excreted."

Labels: books, junkjunk, thoughts

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 2/04/2009 01:43:00 AM 1 comments

1 Comments:

E-BAD said...: sorry to be a dick, but these two last statements contradict each other.; 2/04/2009 02:01:00 AM

Links to this post:

<$BlogBacklinkTitle$>: <$BlogBacklinkSnippet$>
posted by <$BlogBacklinkAuthor$> @ <$BlogBacklinkDateTime$>

Wednesday, October 22, 2008
All Modded Cons

Rah rah rah. I purchased these bad boys last week and they just came in today. For only $49.95 (available here), the best ridiculous purchase i've made in quite some time. I am wearing them already.

Labels: junkjunk, old flames, small giants

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 10/22/2008 01:52:00 PM 1 comments

1 Comments:

hotdoorknobs said...: Killer; 10/22/2008 03:21:00 PM

Links to this post:

<$BlogBacklinkTitle$>: <$BlogBacklinkSnippet$>
posted by <$BlogBacklinkAuthor$> @ <$BlogBacklinkDateTime$>

Monday, November 12, 2007
Old people is whiny bitches

The following is an excerpt of a conversation between myself and a forty-something coworker, who, after being inspired by this piece-of-shit post from the blog Vanishing New York, decided it was time to convince me that my generation is "a bunch of whiny beetches!!" This is not "edited" and therefore likely not very interesting. But blogs must blog, and my mom's in town so whatever.

Conversation

JeffreyBeaumont: So i just discovered that this Chinese guy we invited to the meeting i do every year just turned 100 in October. No wonder he's never come!
FormerNationalReporter: Ha. Ok, watch 60 minuites last night, your generation is a bunch of whiny beetches!!1
JeffreyBeaumont: dude, the very fact you are drawing from 60 Minutes as a source demonstrates the difference between your generation and mine
60 Minutes is like "the dinosaur celebration hour"
FormerNationalReporter: Quoting: They believe anyone over 30 is "old, redundant, should be retired." This is their attitude not only about human beings, but also about mom-and-pop businesses, old buildings, and ways of life. They value only the young and the new.
More than half of them move back home after graduating college, where they know they'll be safe in a coddling environment. After that, I guess mom and dad buy condos for them.
Helicopter parents actually call their children's bosses and HR departments to complain about Junior's bad performance evaluations, the same way they complained to teachers about unsatisfactory grades.
Says one of these kids, he wants lots of praise from his boss: "We want to hear it and truly we'd love for our parents to know. There's nothing better than Mom getting that letter saying, 'You know, Ryan did a great job. Yeah, I just wanted to let you know you raised a fantastic son.'" !? Okay, I'm speechless on this one. Why, for chrissake, would you ever want your boss to call your mother?

They cannot tolerate being told what to do or how to do it. Millions of dollars are being spent on consultants who tell bosses, basically, "Sweet talk these kids. Don't express disappointment in them. Praise them, let them arrange work around their yoga schedules, and give them lots of rewards--just for showing up." This is terrible advice for dealing with narcissists. It only allows them to continue living in the bubble of their personality disorder.
JeffreyBeaumont: is that something you wrote or excerpted from the link?
FormerNationalReporter: excerpt
JeffreyBeaumont: i've definitely said this to you before: "old, redundant, should be retired."
However, i live and die for mom and pops, don't get "help" from my parents
my issue with old people is just one of many of them obscuring reality because they have the power to do so

FormerNationalReporter: this is from a blog--vanishing new york--and of course there are exceptions to the generalizations
Yunnies are the perfect neighborhood destruction machines due to their lack of empathy, sense of entitlement, and contempt for those "beneath" them. Their rage against mom-&-pop shops, I believe, comes in part from the very name "mom & pop," which reminds them of the truly loving parents they lack. The fallible humanity of these shops inevitably disappoints and frustrates the Yunnies. "What do you mean you're out of skim milk?" they tantrum, and "I can take my dog wherever I want!"

Watch out. Arm yourself with the facts about Yunnies:
- They feel cut off from real human connection so they create constant pseudo-connections via cell phones or Blackberries.
- They feel empty, so they shop compulsively and consume aggressively.
- They are grandiose and believe the world revolves around them.
- They demand constant attention--shouting personal details into cell phones and making dramatic scenes is a favorite way to draw attention to themselves.
- Their hidden, deep belief in their own worthlessness makes them strive for high-status jobs and condo lifestyles, where a false sense of power temporarily lifts them up.
- At the extreme end, Yunnies are sociopathic, without conscience and without remorse (think Paris Hilton)--these are the most dangerous and, I believe, the fastest growing subgroup.

JeffreyBeaumont: hmm
i think that's worthless bunk, honestly
FormerNationalReporter: some truth in that dude, I see it all the time
JeffreyBeaumont: honestly, the first part you sent i was following but this second part just sounds like the rage of someone who doesn't know what to do with himself anymore
FormerNationalReporter: now I personally think it is technology--and technology has created a huge disconnect in our society...and we have forgotten the idea of shared collectiv experience
as for the chains...
JeffreyBeaumont: all the things he described are NO DIFFERENT than the fucks who lined Wall St in the 80s
FormerNationalReporter: here is the thing...people who grew up elsewhere are used to chains (starbucks, subway, etc.) so when they come to NYC to live, they want the chains
it makes them feel comfortable and that their neighborhood is cool
JeffreyBeaumont: i also don't believe at all that young people are against mom and pops
in fact
FormerNationalReporter: They don't roll their eyes at the prospect of a starbucks on every fourth corner because they are accustomed to that from their upbringing
JeffreyBeaumont: i'd argue that young people are the only ones left in the urban world who are trying to fight the good fight to save mom and pops
it is "middle-aged" people in urban environments who have collectively destroyed mom and pops
and no one but them should get that blame
FormerNationalReporter: of course, not everyone is...but a lot are.you don't see them because to your credit you are not part of that world--except for pushing poles out of williansburg and greenpiont but hell that was done long before you showed up. :)
JeffreyBeaumont: dude we are pushing the poles out now because 80s yuppies pushed all middle and lower incomes out of manhattan then
young people now are the same as young people always: headstrong, overconfident, disrespectful of the past
FormerNationalReporter: true but there is to me a greater sense of entitlement now
and it does start with the bullshit mentality of everyone gets a trophy for just showing up
JeffreyBeaumont: but i can't believe for a second that they're any worse or disrespectful or have greater senses of entitleman than folks who came of age in the 80s
FormerNationalReporter: I don't know...I came of age in the 80s and I didn't really have that sense, nor did my friends.
of course, we also weren't have the fun of 200K salaries and blow and strippers
dammit
JeffreyBeaumont: exactly
but those assholes were everywhere
i mean dude, they overwhelmingly voted in REAGAN
FormerNationalReporter: I agree that the vanishing new york guy is a little angry but he makes some good points, you should read his blog and you can comment on it to disagree, he writes back
JeffreyBeaumont: aka Joe McCarthy reincarnated as a less intelligent celebrity
i will find him
and hunt him down
FormerNationalReporter: vanishingnewyork.blogspot.com
and get your folks to beat him up for you
that was a joke
JeffreyBeaumont: dude, don't think i don't have "folks"
i got folks
FormerNationalReporter: I meant your actual parents==the whole spoiled generation thing
JeffreyBeaumont: oh yeah
right
FormerNationalReporter: there are too many chains
I don't know why Chase needs a bank every three blocks
I don't know how they all stay in business
and I know i'm a hypocrite with my starbucks everyday
JeffreyBeaumont: dude
FormerNationalReporter: yes
JeffreyBeaumont: the ONLY reason that shit exists now
is because of greedy asshole exectutives
many of whom came of age in the 80s
FormerNationalReporter: but the funny thing is, isn't starbucks the kind of company we are supposed to embrace
don't they in theory try to do right, etc
JeffreyBeaumont: i live in a generation where, when we try to protest that kind of shit, our middle-and-older aged government looks us in the eye and says "Fuck you, we could give a shit what you think"
FormerNationalReporter: ultimately though they grow and go public and all that shit and then it's gobble gobble until they've eaten everything up
ok, how'd we get from starbucks to the gov
JeffreyBeaumont: yeah and again, howard schulz is not a millennial
young people protest creations of Walmart and Starbucks
but just like our protests of government action, it all falls on deaf ears
FormerNationalReporter: but there was a time when a starbucks was not the end of the world
JeffreyBeaumont: i used to live in a building in bushwich where 13 starbucks employees lived
they formed their own fucking labor union
because howard schulz, like walmart, disallows them
FormerNationalReporter: in LA, where there isn't the local culture, etc. i didnt care or feel guilty about going to starbucks
problem is, we can't turn back the clock
JeffreyBeaumont: you should have though
FormerNationalReporter: I should have
JeffreyBeaumont: and then my fellow millennials wouldn't be bearing the burden of your mistakes
haa!
FormerNationalReporter: so, lead the revolution
I'll stand out of the way
Hey, if I ran things I'd reinstate the draft
JeffreyBeaumont: i'm raising my troops dude
don't get me wrong, i don't think my generation is any more special
but i don't think we're any worse
and if we are, it's because we were made that way by deranged babyboomers
FormerNationalReporter: a little worse, but it's my generation and the one before mine's fault
JeffreyBeaumont: this is an issue: how are we supposed to learn "respect" when, in our first elections as adults (2000), we basically have election fraud
leading to the election of a creepy scumbag who garnered less than a majority of votes
and then all we get is shit from our supposed "older friends" for considering voting for Nader
as if its OUR fault the election went awry
FormerNationalReporter: no, it's nader's fault
JeffreyBeaumont: no man, it's regular people's fault
adults with power and privilege
for not standing behind an America that should matter
nader is just one dude
we always have people like him
what matters are the rest of the lazy-dicked "adults" too comfortable with their summer homes, five cars-for-four-family-members and bigscreen TVs
the ones who forgot what "giving a shit" means and sat by as our country was led down a road of at least eight years of extended horseshit

Labels: cockblocking, copied emails, fucktactics, junkjunk

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 11/12/2007 11:09:00 AM 0 comments

0 Comments:

Links to this post:

<$BlogBacklinkTitle$>: <$BlogBacklinkSnippet$>
posted by <$BlogBacklinkAuthor$> @ <$BlogBacklinkDateTime$>

Tuesday, November 06, 2007
C0mputR Gggl blUuzzzzzzz & Otthaa Stuffff

As much as I treasure and cherish them, sometimes computers seem like they enjoy nothing more than to making me suffer and squirm. This is the problem inherent in early 21st century hyperliving--the technology which I love and and embrace is not yet fully prepared to love me back.

1st Case in point: Blogger logins.
We--meaning I--all signed up for Blogger back in the day when it had its own separate set of logins and big daddy Google only crept so much in the sneaksneak creepcreep "Gotcha!" department. Those were good days when i was like, "Shit, GREAT deal for me--and Google can only help make it better!!" Wrong. Sadly, at some point a year or two ago, all of this changed and Google finally understood the potential they had been failing to capitalize on (and/or stopped having moral qualms about what it could mean) and began requesting that users move their blogger accounts over to a Google/Gmail account. Harmless, right? Cause, Hell, why not integrate? Cause wouldn't it actually be inteGREAT? Combine featuresets, preferences, streamline processes--seriously, what's to lose here? I wasn't totally on-board with all of this, but as techloving bastard I was certainly curious enough to find out if this was one more way I could make technology improve my life. Sadly, yes, I was wrong.

So where's the yikes, Bill Sykes? Basically it all boils down to a few specific annoyances resultant from one looming philosophical concern, listed now in orders below arbitrarily chosen by I, Claudius.

Philosophy: one of the boons of the internet (no caps, sorry) is that it offers not only anonymity but also the ability to maintain multiple identities. Alas, what I have slowly begun to realize, is that at some point in late 2005 Google decided that, as company with a burgeoning market cap approaching and even dwarfing the GDP of many countries in Africa, It's not so easy to monetize the shadows. Or, specifically, It's a lot easier to monetize identifiable people with bank accounts and social security numbers.

This shit is REAL. They can find YOU too.

Is this Big Brother talk? Fuck, no, it really is not. Think about it: if I am logged into Gmail and I pop open Google Maps, I have access to my entire history of GMaps searches no matter what computer I am on--all right there at my fingertips... Which actually sounds REALLY useful, not creepy/bad. And it is, honestly. But... this is where shit gets tricky. Saved maps preferences is only the next step in an evolution that began with "The Start", inline Gmail advertising--I remember Doorknobs telling me about the early beta in May 2004 and how it was great but the only catch was that they would parse your emails and generate ads based upon keywords you type. At the time I was sufficiently disapproving so as to avoid jumping on the beg-for-beta-invite ship, but within a few months I came around. The Gmail services, like those of Google Maps, had me sold and I decided that their benefits outweighed the tradeoffs.

And still now, I think they do, but these "benefits" aren't perfect and sometimes it's just too much.

Let's go back to my initial Case Heading, the Blogger login, and examine one of the most annoying aspects that has become part of the "improved user experience." When I decided to link my Blogger account to my Gmail address, I chose not my "main" email, but instead an alternative, limited-use email. I did so, for one, because the altmail usage fit my act on Blogger more, but, also, because I try whenever possible to keep my "real email" out of the limelight so I can to retain some degree of that internet anonymity and alternative identity (AND NON-SPAMMAGE!) that I crave. But almost immediately upon changing over, I realized that I had committed a very irksome mistake: as browser cookies do not allow you to be logged-in to multiple gmail accounts at the same time, I therefore can no longer blog and email simultaneously (at least, not within the same browser).

[crickets]

Umm. Yeah.

Seriously dudes!!! I know this admission means I'M flying my dorkflag colors way high, but what the fuck? This IS a big deal to a whiny bitch like myself stuck on a 4 year old 1ghz G4 that isn't so cool about running two browsers and AirT-streaming iTunes simultaneously. Seriously! And that's just the Right-now-this-sucks gripe, why I'm moaning to myself about how I need to justify buying a new Pro rather than get my very fucked teeth fixed. But philosophically speaking, my endpoint is that we are nearing a future where a single log-in, corresponding to a real "certified" identity, gets you in everywhere--and without it, nowhere. Right now such a time feels both close and far away, but I promise you that it is imminent.

But on the other hand....

So, what else? Lots of things, dudes!

SHA-BAAAM, and MORE: GhostDOLLZ, GoATZ, CHILD BANKINGS, A-Rod

- GhostDOLLZ

So Lil' Beau Sistarrz emails me today with her X-mas request:

"Dear Santa Beau,
All I want for Christmas is the $499.99 Ghostface Killah Doll with 14k gold jewelry, velvet robes, and constant disgruntled expression. I will be extremely good for the rest of my life and will never ask for anything more. Seriously, check the list, I'm under SO FUCKING NICE IT IS PAINFUL."

I hope she right cause I'd hate for her to miss out on this pretty fucking princess:

- GOATTTZZ

Also from Sistarrrz, while back, myotonic goats:

Myotonic, as in "tonic muscle spasm or muscular rigidity" aka tha faintz.

- Child Dollar Learnings Control!

Engadget had my back on this one today, coming of course out of Japan:

The Hello Kitty ATM Bank (for kids)!!!

The scoop:

Erm. Yars.

And finally,

- PAY-Rod

Many have speculated over the past few years whether or not Alex Rodriguez is the greatest douchebag (not asshole, jerk, or prick, mind you, but douchebag) in all of pro sports. It turns out, after ESPN has reveals that he really did demand $350mil from the Yanks, that he is.

My stomach is usually ok for the grossness of pro athletes but this is some queasy shit. I really really REALLY hope that, for once, this guy (as representing all top dollar sportfucks) doesn't get what he's asking for, that NO team out there is ready to pay him $35 million per season. Because, please, come on! Fucking nuts!!

What's most crazy is that i just can't imagine any other team besides the Yankees even considering offering a 32 year old player $30 mil per year even, let alone $35mil-per for ten fucking years... and yet A-rod, for whatever reason, has spit in their faces. In Sunday's NYT, lawyer Jeffrey Gordon argues that this is all part of some bizarre negotiating tactics to keep the Yankees IN the game, but I can't buy that shit. ESPN's Rob Neyer (sorry, Insider only) and the always astute though also arrogant and occasionally insufferable sportseconomist / Sabernomicist JC Bradbury don't buy it, either.

In any event, A-Rod is, in the immortal words of Noah's brother, "A DOUCHE."

AMEN.

Next up, 801, "Nanci," more!

Yours always and faithfully,

J. G. Beaumont, Esq.

Labels: case studies, fucktactics, junkjunk, yanks

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 11/06/2007 11:28:00 PM 1 comments

1 Comments:

ezruh sellof said...: "Yo, what's in Ben's most recent post?"

"Oh, you know, fainting goats, hello kitty atms, some google conspiracy theories, geekery...oh yeah, he called A.Rod a douchebag."

"It was just a short post then?"

FER REAL, get a new computer, run two browsers. damn the gman.; 11/07/2007 12:48:00 AM

Links to this post:

<$BlogBacklinkTitle$>: <$BlogBacklinkSnippet$>
posted by <$BlogBacklinkAuthor$> @ <$BlogBacklinkDateTime$>