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From: Charles Dirksen 
Subject: ATTN: INFO FOR NEW TRADERS
Date: 28 Mar 1997 22:58:09 GMT

THE FOLLOWING ARE POSTS THAT NEW TRADERS MAY FIND HELPFUL.  THE FOLLOWING
IS ALL PRETTY MUCH TWO CENTS, BUT MUCH OF IT JIVES WITH MANY IN THE
PHISH.NET COMMUNITY.  IF YOU WANT TO USE THIS STUFF ON YOUR WEB PAGE, FEEL
FREE TO DO SO, BUT I'D PREFER IT IF YOU CREDIT ME UNLESS YOU CHANGE
A SIGNIFICANT AMOUNT OF IT.
************************************************
************************************************

HOT TO GET TAPES OF SHOWS FROM PEOPLE

When requesting Phish tapes from people, especially in competitive
situations (when there are many people responding to a tape offer), it
has been my experience that the following ideas are helpful.

1)  Offer to dub for others (and be serious about it).  Even the
greatest tape request is lacking and might be rejected if this KEY
element is missing.  And if you can't dub it for other people, BE
HONEST ABOUT IT, because you might get the tapes as a result.

2)  Tell a story, perhaps one that is amusing, about why you want a
certain tape/show.  Preferably one worth telling and worth hearing.
Even if it is utter bullshit.  Be sure to include a ;^) at the end if
indeed it is fraudulent, otherwise, the person to whom you are
requesting a tape may believe -- perhaps unwiiiiisely -- that you are
trying to cleverly bullshit him or her.  Some of the best tape
requests I've read are ones discussing the requestor's reasons for
wanting a show ("I was there and BLAH BLAH BLAH happened..").

3)  Afford the person from whom you are requesting a dub demi-God
status AT MOST, IF AT ALL.  Treating them like Icculus may prove
offensive, which is why demi-God admiration may be more effective.
Especially keep in mind that everyone can worship and praise, but not
everyone can craft a creative story or email.  Usually the most
excellent requests contain NO worship and praise, except of the show
being requested.

4)  Perhaps, and this is a big PERHAPS, offer stuff to the person from
whom you are requesting tapes.  Anything except $.  Even if it is the
lint from the floor of your room (but preferably items that are worth
a little more, like tape labels, a sticker, a scale from an 83 pound
black drum fish, a weird postcard, incense, NYE ping pong balls,
Halloween candy, mysterious keys, a bizarre token, that lame t-shirt
you never wear anymore, a ludicrously lame poster... anything that
might set your request apart from another, but not something which
might be construed as a bribe (id est, an item with serious cash
value), since trying to bribe someone is usually automatic
disqualification at best, and public flamehendge at worst.

(and)

5)  Remember to say 'please', and 'thank you,' and be
kind to those less fortunate than yourself... (or not)

The success of the above methods depends entirely upon the acumen of
those competing against you for tapes and, of course, the disposition
of the person making a given tape offer when they read the requests
responsive to their initial post.

Some people enjoy it when they receive messages that say "Hey, I'd
really like to get [name of show] from you.  Here's my tapelist.
Please respond. [insert tape list]."  Personally, I find other
people's tape lists that have fewer than 600 hours amusing, but I
nevertheless usually don't trade with them, since I'm an arrogant snob
and have heard most of the material in circulation anyway.  I usually
respond to requests that have at least some original content, though,
EVEN IF a tape list is attached.

Best of luck in All Things,
especially future requests for Phish tapes,


charlie dirksen

p.s.  you should NEVER have to send two blanks to get one dubbed.. if
some COMPLETE JACKASS tries to rip you off in this manner, you should
post a public message to the net about it (assuming the COMPLETE
JACKASS hasn't already announced to the net that he wants two blanks
for every one he dubs).  People will dub for you for cost.  Don't be
fooled by the assholes out there.  And when someone offers to dub for
you, if you don't recognize their name from the net, and you question
their reliability, getting (and using) a phone number is enormously
recommended.  Communication.  Communication. Communication... Trading
with people on phishnet has and will work out if you just communicate
with your prospective trading partner.

*****************************
*****************************
THESE ARE SAMPLE INSTRUCTIONS FOR SENDING BLANKS/POSTAGE TO SOMEONE

1) please send the proper length of Type II or higher quality blanks;
UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU SEND ME ADDITIONAL BLANKS "as a
gift" (I don't accept blanks as gifts very well);  just send blanks
for the particular show you requested;  if I recommended that you send
high quality blanks for something (i.e., XL2S or metals), you probably
should send such blanks if you are truly quality conscious;

2) include in the package a mailing _LABEL_ (or separate piece of
paper), not a mailer, but a LABEL, that has your return address
_neatly_ on it;  I will use this label to send the tapes back to you,
so if it is illegible, you assume the risk; if, however, you include a
self-addressed stamped bubble mailer for return delivery of the tapes,
as I would prefer (but which is NOT required), you clearly do not need
to also include a separate label with your address;

3)  send the tapes with or without cases in a REASONABLY CLEAN and
HARDLY USED IF USED AT ALL package that may be EASILY re-used by me to
send you your tapes back (i.e., send a good sized PADDED package that
COMFORTABLY fits the blanks you are sending, don't fill the package
full of staples, DO NOT SEND A @&$%@$# POSTAL WRAPPED BOX!!, don't
seal it so seriously that I have to rip the damn thing to pieces to
get at the blanks, don't send a mailer that is falling apart and has
stuffing coming out of it, etc.);  this is VERY IMPORTANT;  I will not
go buy a new mailer just to send you your tapes back (I will use duct
tape and make a mess of the package, if need be);  I really like to
see BUBBLE mailers and not LINT-FILLED MANILA mailers, since the
latter tend to explode, which gets lint over everything (including the
heads of my tape deck, which pisses me off);  if you send me a really
shitty mailer that is falling apart, I might wait until the last
minute to dub for you, irrespective of postmark; however, if you do
what some people do, which is include a self-addressed stamped bubble
mailer inside of a larger bubble mailer, I will praise you along with
Icculus and kiss the sky;

4) include a NOTE or letter with the package, which *NEATLY* specifies
the show you want, and what your NET ADDRESS is;  if your package
is essentially identical to others' received on the same date (which
is practically guaranteed), and you actually took the time to write me a
pleasant letter, I will take the time to dub your blanks ahead of
others' (I do this all the time.. if people send me a DEMAND for the
tapes and treat me like an impersonal machine, they can wait longer
than those who took care that I don't feel like their god damn
slave... if the "note" is particularly gross, I will throw their
package into the corner of my room in disgust and dub it 'Whenever');

5) include first class return postage IN STAMPS, and be sure to check
with the post office about the amount;  if you don't want to deal with
this, you are welcome to send me 3 dollars in stamps or cash for
priority mail return (3 dollars will cover up to 10 tapes with
cases);  please, though, if using first class postage, ASK YOUR
POSTMASTER and don't assume what the proper postage is, because it may
be more, and if I have to front you postage, I bump you waaaaay back
in the dubbing queue regardless of your postmark;  if you send book
rate or third class postage, I might not dub for you until the
millenium, given your obvious indifference to the speed at which you
get your tapes back (or, for that matter, indifference to whether you
get them back at all);  you may send cash if you have to, but Don't if
you have access to stamps (NO checks *ever*!!); ALSO, if you are in
**Canada**, you MUST include the proper postage in US stamps or USD
(about 3 bucks for 3 tapes with cases).. I don't want any &@%#*^@%
Canadian $;

AND DO NOT SEND POSTAL METER STRIPS FOR RETURN POSTAGE!!! THESE ARE
ILLEGAL FOR RETURN POSTAGE AND WILL PISS ME OFF EXTRAORDINARILY;

6) PLEASE DO NOT send me anything postmarked after March 28, and Do
not, under any circumstances, grovel for an extension (I'm dubbing for
a lot of people in this offer, and don't want to be dubbing tapes
pursuant to this offer in May); this offer has to be closed at some
point (and the return address you send me should be current through
the second week of May;  please include an address for you for June
if, due to some Unfortunate Circumstance, I can't dub your tapes until
late May (!)).

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