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Tuesday, October 06, 2009 A Great Example Of When One's Hair Might Have Grown Prohibitively Long  Crop of original photo viewable here. Holy cow, the fun continues. Still making my way through photos and came across this hilarious shot taken in Walt Whitman Park after walking over the Brooklyn Bridge with Mia at 9am (we woke up at 7 and walked from Union Square all the way there--first time I'd ever been down Broadway in daylight without seeing any humans): many dudes, maybe 30, playing soccer** and seemingly rejoicing in great harmony of the leather ball and togetherness. And one of them among them, with the longest, most insane dreadlock ever worn by man. It's not entirely easy to make the whole thing out (I really should have asked him to pose up close) but basically the man has a few long locks, two which are so lengthy that one is wrapped around his waist like a belt (AND around his neck like a necklace) and the other drapes all the way down to his shins. Meaning, he is an actual human approximation of Bib Fortuna. !!!!!!!!!! Good times here, always. New York, have I mentioned to you recently how much I love you? NOTES: **-- Mia groaned after when we got near them after realizing when I'd said they were playing fussball and not (American) football. "Oh, this" she said, deflated and instantly bored, "What do you Americans call this, Suck-er? This reminds me of every boring minute of my life." Labels: "Sleep With The Vulture", cockblocking, curiosities, deprarious, lolgore, photography, quicksnaps posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 10/06/2009 09:07:00 PM 0 comments Wednesday, March 18, 2009 You Burn Me Up, I'm A Cigarette  As he was, in different times (Oct. 06) I am home alone this week, as Doorknobs is off touring again*** and Lil' Beaumont is shaking it up in Miami, so I thought it might behoove me to take advantage of the empty home by straightening up a bit. Things began ok until I stumbled across an old crumpled softpack of trusted Camel Lights and I shed a little tear imagining them alone and unsmoked on my bedroom floor. It's been over two and a half months and I'll continue going strong but I can't say I don't miss 'em, especially not as the weather starts getting all nice like it will. Ah, oui, le soupir eternel. Pour vos oreilles: Replacements - "More Cigarettes" Otis Redding - "Cigarettes and Coffee" Glen Gray and the Casa Loma Orchestra - "Smoke Rings" *** -- Also, 5-7, message received and delivered: no boyz in Doorknobs' life but me, and these days even that ain't that much; if he weren't already way spoken for I'd send him your way for sure. Labels: BEAUMONT, cockblocking, disappointment, fucktactics, junkjunk, quickthoughts, VICTORY posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 3/18/2009 12:51:00 AM 0 comments Friday, February 20, 2009 ...Or Maybe It's The Age Of Universal Stab-Myself-In-The-Eye  I have probably had worse luck with automobiles than just about anybody alive. Today, I discovered that my mom's car--which I was watching while she visited friends in Florida for the week--has been stolen. Awesome, and depressingly hilarious given that I don't even have a car of my own any more (returned home after too many parking tickets and break-in debacles). A HISTORY OF CAR OWNERSHIP BY JEFFREY BEAUMONT From the ages of 16-21, I owned FIVE cars: 1) '91 Toyota Corolla wagon, light blue Owned: August 1998-October 2000 From: old car from parents Issue 1: girl at party backed into my car and then drove away Issue 2: Car died, October 2000 Reason for loss: Ran the engine dry--my own stupidity 2) '89 Plymouth Sundance, maroon Owned: November 2000-April 2001 From: grandparents to replace Corolla Issue 1: only ran on three of four cylinders and had a giant leak in oil tank Issue 2: Car died, April 2001 Reason for loss: Old age. No fault. 3) '90 Plymouth Sundance V6, white Owned: May 2001-February 2002 From: Purchased from local car garage for $1700 Issue 1: Unnecessary V6 guzzled hilarious amounts of gas for a tiny car Reason for loss: found better car to replace; sold for $1500 4) '89 Honda Accord, navy blue Owned: February 2002-February 2004 From: Purchased from local car garage for $2000 Issue 1: I loved this fucking car, and basically got it for an extra $500 Issue 2: Was 13 years old and 173,000 miles upon purchase and had already had engine replaced Issue 3: Overheated constantly Reason for loss: Old age. No fault. 5) 2001 Saturn, beige Owned: May 2004-December 2004 From: Given to me as college graduation present Issue 1: I also loved this fucking car, and drove it on five-week cross-country road trip. Driven approximately 17,000 miles throughout ownership Issue 2: Did not need a car after moving to NYC in October 2004 Issue 3: Dad did not want to continue paying insurance and I didn't want to pay either Reason for loss: Not needed in New York, or to sit in a garage upstate, so sold (for more than originally purchased). Seriously--that's fucking ridiculous, right?? I guess I am pretty much done with cars. Labels: cockblocking, FAIL, fucktactics, HATEFUL posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 2/20/2009 11:11:00 AM 1 comments 1
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Monday, November 12, 2007 Old people is whiny bitches The following is an excerpt of a conversation between myself and a forty-something coworker, who, after being inspired by this piece-of-shit post from the blog Vanishing New York, decided it was time to convince me that my generation is "a bunch of whiny beetches!!" This is not "edited" and therefore likely not very interesting. But blogs must blog, and my mom's in town so whatever. Conversation JeffreyBeaumont: So i just discovered that this Chinese guy we invited to the meeting i do every year just turned 100 in October. No wonder he's never come! FormerNationalReporter: Ha. Ok, watch 60 minuites last night, your generation is a bunch of whiny beetches!!1 JeffreyBeaumont: dude, the very fact you are drawing from 60 Minutes as a source demonstrates the difference between your generation and mine 60 Minutes is like "the dinosaur celebration hour" FormerNationalReporter: Quoting: They believe anyone over 30 is "old, redundant, should be retired." This is their attitude not only about human beings, but also about mom-and-pop businesses, old buildings, and ways of life. They value only the young and the new. More than half of them move back home after graduating college, where they know they'll be safe in a coddling environment. After that, I guess mom and dad buy condos for them. Helicopter parents actually call their children's bosses and HR departments to complain about Junior's bad performance evaluations, the same way they complained to teachers about unsatisfactory grades. Says one of these kids, he wants lots of praise from his boss: "We want to hear it and truly we'd love for our parents to know. There's nothing better than Mom getting that letter saying, 'You know, Ryan did a great job. Yeah, I just wanted to let you know you raised a fantastic son.'" !? Okay, I'm speechless on this one. Why, for chrissake, would you ever want your boss to call your mother? They cannot tolerate being told what to do or how to do it. Millions of dollars are being spent on consultants who tell bosses, basically, "Sweet talk these kids. Don't express disappointment in them. Praise them, let them arrange work around their yoga schedules, and give them lots of rewards--just for showing up." This is terrible advice for dealing with narcissists. It only allows them to continue living in the bubble of their personality disorder. JeffreyBeaumont: is that something you wrote or excerpted from the link? FormerNationalReporter: excerpt JeffreyBeaumont: i've definitely said this to you before: "old, redundant, should be retired." However, i live and die for mom and pops, don't get "help" from my parents my issue with old people is just one of many of them obscuring reality because they have the power to do so FormerNationalReporter: this is from a blog--vanishing new york--and of course there are exceptions to the generalizations Yunnies are the perfect neighborhood destruction machines due to their lack of empathy, sense of entitlement, and contempt for those "beneath" them. Their rage against mom-&-pop shops, I believe, comes in part from the very name "mom & pop," which reminds them of the truly loving parents they lack. The fallible humanity of these shops inevitably disappoints and frustrates the Yunnies. "What do you mean you're out of skim milk?" they tantrum, and "I can take my dog wherever I want!" Watch out. Arm yourself with the facts about Yunnies: - They feel cut off from real human connection so they create constant pseudo-connections via cell phones or Blackberries. - They feel empty, so they shop compulsively and consume aggressively. - They are grandiose and believe the world revolves around them. - They demand constant attention--shouting personal details into cell phones and making dramatic scenes is a favorite way to draw attention to themselves. - Their hidden, deep belief in their own worthlessness makes them strive for high-status jobs and condo lifestyles, where a false sense of power temporarily lifts them up. - At the extreme end, Yunnies are sociopathic, without conscience and without remorse (think Paris Hilton)--these are the most dangerous and, I believe, the fastest growing subgroup. JeffreyBeaumont: hmm i think that's worthless bunk, honestly FormerNationalReporter: some truth in that dude, I see it all the time JeffreyBeaumont: honestly, the first part you sent i was following but this second part just sounds like the rage of someone who doesn't know what to do with himself anymore FormerNationalReporter: now I personally think it is technology--and technology has created a huge disconnect in our society...and we have forgotten the idea of shared collectiv experience as for the chains... JeffreyBeaumont: all the things he described are NO DIFFERENT than the fucks who lined Wall St in the 80s FormerNationalReporter: here is the thing...people who grew up elsewhere are used to chains (starbucks, subway, etc.) so when they come to NYC to live, they want the chains it makes them feel comfortable and that their neighborhood is cool JeffreyBeaumont: i also don't believe at all that young people are against mom and pops in fact FormerNationalReporter: They don't roll their eyes at the prospect of a starbucks on every fourth corner because they are accustomed to that from their upbringing JeffreyBeaumont: i'd argue that young people are the only ones left in the urban world who are trying to fight the good fight to save mom and pops it is "middle-aged" people in urban environments who have collectively destroyed mom and pops and no one but them should get that blame FormerNationalReporter: of course, not everyone is...but a lot are.you don't see them because to your credit you are not part of that world--except for pushing poles out of williansburg and greenpiont but hell that was done long before you showed up. :) JeffreyBeaumont: dude we are pushing the poles out now because 80s yuppies pushed all middle and lower incomes out of manhattan then young people now are the same as young people always: headstrong, overconfident, disrespectful of the past FormerNationalReporter: true but there is to me a greater sense of entitlement now and it does start with the bullshit mentality of everyone gets a trophy for just showing up JeffreyBeaumont: but i can't believe for a second that they're any worse or disrespectful or have greater senses of entitleman than folks who came of age in the 80s FormerNationalReporter: I don't know...I came of age in the 80s and I didn't really have that sense, nor did my friends. of course, we also weren't have the fun of 200K salaries and blow and strippers dammit JeffreyBeaumont: exactly but those assholes were everywhere i mean dude, they overwhelmingly voted in REAGAN FormerNationalReporter: I agree that the vanishing new york guy is a little angry but he makes some good points, you should read his blog and you can comment on it to disagree, he writes back JeffreyBeaumont: aka Joe McCarthy reincarnated as a less intelligent celebrity i will find him and hunt him down FormerNationalReporter: vanishingnewyork.blogspot.com and get your folks to beat him up for you that was a joke JeffreyBeaumont: dude, don't think i don't have "folks" i got folks FormerNationalReporter: I meant your actual parents==the whole spoiled generation thing JeffreyBeaumont: oh yeah right FormerNationalReporter: there are too many chains I don't know why Chase needs a bank every three blocks I don't know how they all stay in business and I know i'm a hypocrite with my starbucks everyday JeffreyBeaumont: dude FormerNationalReporter: yes JeffreyBeaumont: the ONLY reason that shit exists now is because of greedy asshole exectutives many of whom came of age in the 80s FormerNationalReporter: but the funny thing is, isn't starbucks the kind of company we are supposed to embrace don't they in theory try to do right, etc JeffreyBeaumont: i live in a generation where, when we try to protest that kind of shit, our middle-and-older aged government looks us in the eye and says "Fuck you, we could give a shit what you think" FormerNationalReporter: ultimately though they grow and go public and all that shit and then it's gobble gobble until they've eaten everything up ok, how'd we get from starbucks to the gov JeffreyBeaumont: yeah and again, howard schulz is not a millennial young people protest creations of Walmart and Starbucks but just like our protests of government action, it all falls on deaf ears FormerNationalReporter: but there was a time when a starbucks was not the end of the world JeffreyBeaumont: i used to live in a building in bushwich where 13 starbucks employees lived they formed their own fucking labor union because howard schulz, like walmart, disallows them FormerNationalReporter: in LA, where there isn't the local culture, etc. i didnt care or feel guilty about going to starbucks problem is, we can't turn back the clock JeffreyBeaumont: you should have though FormerNationalReporter: I should have JeffreyBeaumont: and then my fellow millennials wouldn't be bearing the burden of your mistakes haa! FormerNationalReporter: so, lead the revolution I'll stand out of the way Hey, if I ran things I'd reinstate the draft JeffreyBeaumont: i'm raising my troops dude don't get me wrong, i don't think my generation is any more special but i don't think we're any worse and if we are, it's because we were made that way by deranged babyboomers FormerNationalReporter: a little worse, but it's my generation and the one before mine's fault JeffreyBeaumont: this is an issue: how are we supposed to learn "respect" when, in our first elections as adults (2000), we basically have election fraud leading to the election of a creepy scumbag who garnered less than a majority of votes and then all we get is shit from our supposed "older friends" for considering voting for Nader as if its OUR fault the election went awry FormerNationalReporter: no, it's nader's fault JeffreyBeaumont: no man, it's regular people's fault adults with power and privilege for not standing behind an America that should matter nader is just one dude we always have people like him what matters are the rest of the lazy-dicked "adults" too comfortable with their summer homes, five cars-for-four-family-members and bigscreen TVs the ones who forgot what "giving a shit" means and sat by as our country was led down a road of at least eight years of extended horseshit Labels: cockblocking, copied emails, fucktactics, junkjunk posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 11/12/2007 11:09:00 AM 0 comments |
GET BEHIND ME DEAD MAN
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