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Tuesday, November 03, 2009 Clang Time  The NBA season is now upon us and halleluhah. I'm not ready to make too many points just yet, but I do gotta make this one: Baron Davis, you are absolutely killing me. I still love you, man, and your terrible shot selection isn't something new for 2009. But: you are reaching new levels of a lazy, don't-give-a-shit-about-winning offense, and as a result right now you are shooting a definitively deprarious 18-54 from the field. Honestly dude, it's time to start playing like you care. Labels: basketball, deprarious, heroes posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 11/03/2009 01:23:00 AM 0 comments Tuesday, September 29, 2009 Beaumont Family Whatever I am sitting in my underwear drinking a beer while watching women's basketball on television and Lil' Beau is taking a bath while doing her homework. Labels: basketball, curiosities, fucktactics, lolgore posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 9/29/2009 09:49:00 PM 2 comments 2
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Saturday, September 12, 2009  Jordan recalled a time when he was pulled aside by former Chicago assistant Tex Winter after scoring 20 points in a row to lead the Bulls to victory. --Michael Jordan, at his inauguration yesterday into the Basketball Hall of Fame Labels: basketball, lolgore, REAL LIFE IMs posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 9/12/2009 08:53:00 AM 0 comments Thursday, August 20, 2009 Passed On: "Bill Walton, inspiring hipsters everywhere with his penchant..." Yep.  Begin forwarded message:
Labels: basketball, BEAUMONT, lolgore posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 8/20/2009 07:59:00 PM 1 comments 1
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Tuesday, August 11, 2009 A PRIMER ON LOVING LIFE WHILE LOVING BASKETBALL AND RAP MUSIC PLEASE WATCH THIS VIDEO AND LET THE MAGIC ENCOMPASS YOU LIKE A GOLDEN DRAGON BREATHING MAGICAL FIRE ON A LOVED ONE. Labels: basketball, music, rap, VICTORY, videos posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 8/11/2009 04:53:00 PM 2 comments 2
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Monday, July 13, 2009 To Air Is To Be Human  Check out that amazing 8" verticle leap! As you may know, I've been playing basketball again this year in the first time in forever, and while I'm having a great time, I've been feeling a little bit limited by my pedestrian 5'10" frame. The league is filled largely with ladies and gentlemen who aren't all that tall, for the most part, but this basically means that whoever we play again sticks their biggest guy on me so that I get to play all game with a hand in my face. This point was brought to its most excessive outcome last week, when I was guarded by a 6'7" giant named Chad who, despite being by all accounts a nice and gentle man, swatted about 3 or 4 four of my shots away and, most pointedly, dunked right over me as I attempted to defend a on a fast break. He wasn't an amazing player--quoth Chad: "Dude, seriously, it's no biomechanical feat that I'm able to dunk; it would really just be a shame to all tall men if I couldn't"--but given my poor ball-handling, lack of height and relatively limited verticle leap, his size was significant enough to hamper my game to the point of frustration (despite the fact that the above . I decided therefore today was to begin investigating some exercises that might help improve my leaping ability. I remember growing up and see ads for those funny platformed "strength" shoes that allegedly improved your leap significantly, and imagined that in 2009 there must be new and wonderful iterations of similar snake oil (or not?) silliness. I was not disappointed--see #2 and in bold below: How to Jump Higher to Dunk a Basketball Dunking a basketball has always been the source of awe for the basketball fanatics. Sometimes, dunks can even determine the name of the outcome of a competitive and exciting game. That is why most basketball players nowadays are aiming to get the perfect dunking skills for them to be able to show off or flaunt. However, doing such or attaining such a skill, requires a lot of discipline. That is because to be able to dunk better, the basketball player has to improve and work out his larger muscle group - the legs. Jumping It is very elementary. The knowledge that jumping requires agility and strength of the leg muscle group is a basic and very apparent and logical. Jumping requires applying force to the feet, and to be able to jump higher, more force is needed. That is why to be able to jump higher and dunk a basketball better, here are some useful tips that can be of great help to you, the basketball player. 1) Do leg exercises There are a number of leg exercises. The good thing about it is that these exercises can be done even outside the gym. These exercises can be very simple and can be performed even if you are just standing in the bus terminal, waiting for the next ride. a. Stand firmly on the ground. Then stand on your toes, down to the ground, and do the procedure repeatedly. b. Jump up and down. It does not necessarily be higher. c. Jog round if you have time. Jogging is not just a good leg exercise but also an effective cardiovascular activity. d. Jump using a jumping rope. e. Stretch your leg muscles every now and the. It does not only relaxes you but also improve the circulation in that muscle group. 2) Wear the best shoes when playing the game There are good shoes out in the market nowadays that are very comfortable and ideal for basketball games. Basketball shoes currently are considered necessities in the lives of basketball players. Sometimes, shoes add up to their confidence, which in turn boost agility, inspiration and then, performance. Imagine having a dunk, people will be staring at your shoes, so prepare for the occasion and wear the best shoes. Your shoes tell stories about you, don’t you think? Overall, jumping higher to dunk a basketball depends on your mood during the play. Open up your mind, be happy and relaxed while playing the game. ---------------- Erm............................. really? Really? This is great because he doesn't even attempt to posit a "Seriously guys! the Air in Nikes really DOES make a huge difference!" No, this dude is literally just telling you that you will perform better if you look cool. Wow. Though, I will admit that one part of me appreciates the acknowledgement that self-confidence plays a role in success and achievement. But still! Haa. Loving life. Just for fun, here's 5'9" Nate Robinson dunking over 7' Dwight Howard--my inspiration: Labels: basketball, curiosities, lolgore, videos posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 7/13/2009 03:02:00 PM 0 comments Wednesday, June 24, 2009 Be Still, Your Beating Heart "I still want to have a family, but first the wounds must heal. However, I still want to have a few little Dirks running around later. But it won't be easy to win my heart." --Dirk Nowitzki, on beginning the recovery process after the end of his strange and apparently farcical relationship with a serial criminal. Labels: basketball, Dirk, disappointment, FAIL, quickthoughts posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 6/24/2009 02:02:00 PM 0 comments Wednesday, June 10, 2009 Die Elemente Der Art  I may or may not have warned you that I play on the nerdiest basketball team known to man in the nerdiest league ever conceived, but yezzzzir, it's true. Our team, as you can see, is called The Elements of Style and because I am a maximum dork, I made the t-shirts above and below for our team. Mark had the brilliant idea that, given who we are and what we are doing (or not doing), it would make sense for us to choose punctuation symbols rather than numbers for our shirt backs. Ergo, Strunks:  Other punctuation marks on our team include @, $, :, and, of course, the interrobang. I enjoy the fact that this is perhaps the only basketball league in New York City where I might be made to feel tall; hence, Mark--our best player by far--plays point-center. I'm just happy to run around wearing Alex's weed shorts. Strunks, fear not, I'll be back soon. Labels: basketball, BEAUMONT, exercise, friends, lolgore, love posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 6/10/2009 02:50:00 AM 1 comments 1
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Saturday, May 30, 2009 All Back Together Again My bike has been fixed, at the very relatively minor cost of $29, which, while adding to the evergrowing "Idiot Penalities" column, is a hell of a lot better than I was imagining it might be. Additionally, on the definite 'good/bad simu' tip is that the dude also tightened my shit up and explained how cleaning everything down will do me wonders (via the miracles of Simple Green); however, he also warned me that the battered and dirty state of my bike has me due for a full tune-up/clean down in the imminent future. At $125 I'm not entirely prepared to cover this cost, but worse was his added thoughts that I will probably end up needing a new drive cassette (anywhere from $60-$120) due to the excessive wear placed on my steed. I have taken his tidings to heart and spent part of the afternoon cleaning everything down with Simple Green, but it's definitely also a testament to the incredible sloppiness with which I seem destined to live my life. Amusingly enough, Mark J-J made a comment to me today while playing basketball that,
And he is right, and I don't know (yet) how else to live. Labels: basketball, BEAUMONT, biking, exercise, fucktactics posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 5/30/2009 09:09:00 PM 2 comments 2
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Monday, May 25, 2009 Break My Body  There are some great changes going on these days in the mind and body of one Jeffrey Beaumont. For a variety of reasons that I understand and some that I don't, I have been attempting to beat my body into some kind of submission over the past month. Right now I am pretty exhausted. I think I have been feeling lately that many years of stagnance, physically and mentally, have made me feel increasingly weak and unprepared to handle the brutal world around me, and that my desire to get tougher, coupled with my general high-energy/low-need-for-rest attitude have set me on a crash course of some hyperathleticism. Of course, I also have a tendency to overdo things, and that's probably where I'm at right now. At the moment, every part of my body is aching, from a somewhat punishing schedule of biking, basketball and rockclimbing. On Saturday I biked 50 miles; yesterday I played two full games of basketball; and today I'm going rockclimbing again. The biking I am able to do these days without experiencing much post-ride soreness; the other two activities, however, have been making me hilariously tender, and when coupled with the biking, I feel like I'm 70 years old as I walk around the office. And topping it all off, I will be adding yoga to the fold this Thursday, which I hope will reduce and not add to the aches and pains I'm feeling. I think of a part of this hyperactivity is my growing restlessness with (at least a part of) the life I've been living, which has been increasingly great on many fronts, but increasingly tiresome on the work and routine front. I have mentioned this to nearly all of my friends recently but right now the thought of working in an office seems like one of the worst things I could imagine doing, and I am beginning to consider any and all escape route possibilities for non-office alternatives. For the time being though, I still do work in an office, and so I am making due by pouring every ounce of my extra-work energy into whatever kind of mind and body activity I can come up with. After so many mental combustions over the years, perhaps I'm just trying to see if I'm capable of physically combusting. Either way, this stream of thought ends conclusively with "To Be Continued..." Labels: basketball, BEAUMONT, biking, exercise, plans posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 5/25/2009 12:17:00 PM 0 comments Wednesday, May 20, 2009 Beyond The Bad Tattoos And Bad Decisions  So lately I have been feeling kind of crazy, and whenever I feel crazy my mind tends to drift to the quasi-heroic men I've followed throughout my life who seemed to be also somewhat unhinged. Without fail, these thoughts always manage to make their way to Dennis Rodman, a true champion of the weird and wild. It may be pretty hard for us to remember today in 2009 that there was a once point when Dennis Rodman was not a bizarre and pathetic D-list celebrity making noise for nothing, but instead a great basketball player--a fierce defender, a prodigious rebounder, and a GREAT team player, who literally threw himself around the court doing whatever he could to make his teams win. Say what you want about the guy, but--leaving aside a final non-year of 12 games on the Mavs in 99-00--it is no coincidence that in only ONE of his thirteen seasons did he play on a losing team. In fact, Rodman didn't just play on winning teams but on GREAT winning teams: over these thirteen years, his teams finished 1st seven times and 2nd four times (rounded off with a 3rd and 6th place). I don't have the numbers in front of me, but if I had to guess, I'd think he would be up there among players with the all-time highest game team winning percentage. But unlike many winning players, Rodman can also claim to have been a member of five NBA champions--two with the Pistons in '89 and '90 and then three with the Bulls from '96-'98. Again, if I had to guess, I'd say that there are very few NBA players in the annals of the game with five championships who not members of the Celtics or Lakers. Obviously basketball is a team sport and it's silly to assume that one player, especially one who scored as little as Rodman did, could be the single deciding force on a team's fortunes. However, unlike baseball or football, one great player CAN make a huge difference in the NBA (as Chris Paul's '08-'09 Hornets will attest to) and I think it is hard to deny that Dennis Rodman impacted the game like few others. But going back to a point I've just made, what fascinates me about him is the fact that he was one of the rare players to impact a game so completely without being an offensive star; and specifically, by being so unbelievably great in one facet of the game as to elevate the rest automatically. This "one facet" was of course his rebounding ability, the likes of which we have been duplicated by no one since he left the league, or even in the the many years before. Once upon a time, the game moved very very quickly--in the days of Wilt's 100 point game, 50 pts/game season; Oscar's triple-double averages--and league leading rebounders averaged 20+ boards per game. However, since 1972 and Wilt and Bill Russell's reign over the rim ended, no one has averaged over 18.1 boards per game in the NBA--and only once over 15.3 since the NBA/ABA merger in 1976--no one, that is except Dennis Rodman. Behold the numbers below: Obviously the column worth focusing on here is "TRB", where you will see that for seven straight seasons from 92-98, Rodman led the NBA in rebounding, including jawdropping years of 18.7 and 18.3 per game(!!!). And he was not just leading the league in rebounds--he was crushing it, averaging 15+ rebounds when no one else was even above 13. So good was he that five of these seven seasons make up five of the six best rebounding years of any player in the NBA since the '76 merger (with Moses Malone in '79 making up the lone non-Rodman year). And to top it all off, check out the second column to the left: here you see that not only were Rodman's accomplishments impressive, but that they didn't even begin until he was 25, with his seven-year reign beginning at age 30--an age when many players begin tapering off. Basically, there was literally no other player in the NBA remotely like him, and the only players who have even sniffed at Rodman reboundwise are the far inferior and one-dimensional Danny Fortson and Reggie Evans. So the next time someone talks about how great of a rebounder Dwight Howard is--and yes, he is great--remind them of Dennis Rodman, who while often seeming like he was in a land of his own, was also, always, in a league of his own.  Dennis Rodman, 1990 Labels: basketball, heroes posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 5/20/2009 04:15:00 PM 1 comments 1
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Thursday, May 14, 2009 Goodbye, Dallas  I love these two. Dear Dallas, Congratulations on making it this far. I know it would have helped if Game 3 had worked out in your favor, but you fought valiantly andultimately Denver was just too good. Two months ago, I wasn't sure you were gonna make it to mid-May. So thank you Dirk Nowitzki and the 2008-09 Mavericks, for so many things:
So that's it on NBA 2009 for me. I will still watch the rest of the playoffs, of course, but I know with Dallas out my heart will only be half in. LeBron, the stage is yours. Labels: basketball, BIRDMAN, Dirk posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 5/14/2009 01:06:00 PM 0 comments Friday, May 08, 2009 On Manny Being Banny ....Or, FUCK YOU. "Dam manny ramirez, come on man Agggggggggh, agggggggh,agggggh" --THE_REAL_SHAQ, about 12 hours ago from TwitterBerry ------------------------------------  Boo, Manny. Boo. You fucking asshole. The Ken Caminitis and Matt Lawtons of the world sadden me, but at least I can understand--and in some twisted way, emphasize with them; in a tough game, where every tiny bit counts, they just want to keep a footing for themselves in the only world in which they've learned how to live. But Manny, you of the golden swing, you are a greedy coward. You make me want to scream. You, and Barry Bonds, and Alex Rodriguez, and Roger Clemens--it was never enough that you were among the best in the game. You would not stop until there was no question. Some might admire this thirst to rise above, but I am sickened by it, by you. Barry, Roger, I believe at least that the two of you played many seasons in the 80s and early 90s before getting into steroids--and over these points you won four MVP awards and three Cy Youngs. What the fuck? That was not enough for you? The worst part, again, is the mass culpability. Our mass culpability. To LeBron James' onslaught and devastation of the NBA, we are all witnesses--and to accepting the lies, thievery, and bullshit of major league cheaters, we are ALL guilty. All of us except the kids of the 90s who were just happy that you jerks had quit your petty squabbling enough to play a fucking World Series again. Those poor kids, who fell in love with Sammy Sosa, or Mark McGwire, or Jeff Bagwell (yeah, said it), Juan Gonzalez, a million others. Brady Anderson, you cheat, you inspired a million kids who wanted someone to root for besides the superstars. And you fucked them. Who's next? Chipper Jones? (god, please... please, no) John Smoltz? Ken Griffey, Jr.?*** Randy Johnson? Pedro? Really, at this point, it just doesn't matter who did and didn't do steroids. We all did. Bud Selig, who, like a Washington politician ruling lobbyists and yet living in fear of them, did nothing but cast a blind eye as muscles bulked and heads (and pimples) popped. DUDE YOU RUN THE MOST TALKATIVE YET SECRETIVE SPORTS LEAGUE IN THE COUNTRY. OF COURSE YOU KNEW WHAT WAS GOING ON. What kills me most is the lying triumvirate of atheletes, executives and sports writers, all collectively lying or refusing to believe what they knew was really going on for the sake of their next home run, their next dollar, their next tight lede. Fuck all of you dicks. And then, fuck all of us for LOVING IT. We loved the longball. We loved 11-7 scores. We loved the 9Ks per 9 ratios. We loved the storylines!! Matt Williams and Griffey in '94, Brady Anderson, the quad-headed Rockies in '96/'97, McGwire and Sosa in '98. We loved it all. The Mariners won 116 games in 2001, even more than the fabled Yankees in '98, but does anyone seem to remember it? Partially because they didn't win the World Series but also partially because it was the first season in ten years without Randy J, Griffey, or ARod. No pumped up stars--other than new freak of Japan, Ichiro--and therefore few memories. We loved it all despite seeing thin men big, big men huge, and even some thin men huge. We saw what we wanted to believe. The world, honestly, is not filled with surprises. Things happen by chance, yes, but most of that chance has a percentage of possibility attached to it based on the cold principles of natural reality. David Eckstein does not, as a rule, hit 30 home runs in a season. He just can't, because he is who he is. We knew this was true about Brady Anderson too, but we turned away. Also, old people, as a rule, do not outplay the post-kid vets. And yet there was Barry Bonds at age 36 hitting 73 HRs, 24 more than he'd ever hit before. And middling no-pop vets do not suddenly become middle-of-the-order threats after they turn 30. 90 years of baseball told us that this was true and yet there was Jay Bell, Steve Finley, and Luis Gonzalez, telling us otherwise. So fuck it. We saw what we wanted to believe. C'est la fucking vie. Because this is America. WE LIKE CHEATERS. We actually LOVE THEM. Or rather, we like cheaters who succeed in cheating. What we do not like are cheaters who fail, cheaters for whom the game is up. We loved the cheaters on Wall Street and in the real estate markets in the late 90s and early 00s when they were making dollars because we loved their fly action and dreamt of having some of our own someday too. Those systems didn't collapse because some great diligence and intolerance of cheating finally brought down the bad guys; they just collapsed because the cheaters stopped cheating well. And then when it collapsed, we swarmed upon the cheaters like locusts, in hopes that a swifter move on our own behalf condemning their wrongs might save us from the real judgements of god soon to come. Our own guilt pulsed like a great heart beating louder and louder as the head-filling sound of crime began to subside; and lest we hear it too deeply and freeze in our tracks, we acted, pouncing on the public record of guilt to rape it loudly enough until we were satisfied that it was distracting enough for us to go on ignoring everything else that was still wrong, that is still wrong. This is NOT a tale of bleakness and woe. It's just an observation on who we are and who we are afraid to be. The steroids story is so much the same story as the housing market story that it floors me. As Americans, our hunger for more, bigger, and better--which brings us both good and terrible achievement--is such that we blind ourselves from seeing not just that which is immediately in front of us, but everything that lies ahead. This is how we as Americans live, and I don't know if there's anything we can or should do it about it. But understand that the toll is heavy, and that one day, as a nation, we will pay the price. The day will come when our blindness finally becomes so overpowering that we will not be able to see that we have walked into a room of hungry bandits, and we are not only too frail to hold them off from plundering our resources, but too blind to even know that we need to. And then, new powers will be born, and we sink to the bottom (quickly or slowly) while they rise above. Or something like that.  NOTES/LOVAGE: *** - Literally the only home run hitter I'm sure never took steroids is Fred McGriff, my beloved Crime Dog, who it seemed had the tragedy (or perhaps, in hindsight, good fortune) of peaking right before the "development of the extended power game" in baseball. Fred who in 1989 and 1992 led his league in HRs with 36 and 35 over the fence. When was the last time someone led either league with no more than 35 HR? Yep. I stand by you, Fred, forever and always, and I will never forget the Blue Jays, your torrential Summer '93, the Summer '94 that was taken from you, or you holding our Braves down in '95 when they finally put it all together for the Series. And most of all, I will never forget having the opportunity to see you hit that final home run for Tampa Bay in San Diego in June 2004. You will always be my classy, understated hero. Labels: basketball, deprarious, empty promises, FAIL, fucktactics, thoughts posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 5/08/2009 12:41:00 AM 0 comments Thursday, May 07, 2009 Oh Ron Ron Not entirely sure what to think about this. A table leg??? Labels: basketball, fucktactics, lolgore posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 5/07/2009 11:55:00 PM 0 comments Monday, May 04, 2009 Why Feign Modesty When You Are A King? "I'm 24 years old. To be up here and win this MVP award, I never thought it would happen this fast. I always dreamed about celebrating championships with teammates." --Lebron James, upon upon hearing that he had won the 2008-09 MVP award. Fast, yes. Love you, BronBron.  Labels: basketball posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 5/04/2009 06:44:00 PM 0 comments Thursday, April 30, 2009 Wow Just watched one of the most insane basketball games I've ever seen before. Celtics vs Bulls, three overtimes. In the end, Celts lost by one. But all all all completely crazy. Derrick Rose played 59 minutes!!! Totally totally out of control crazy. Basketball, you are killing me and I fucking love you. Labels: basketball, quickthoughts posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 4/30/2009 10:54:00 PM 1 comments Tuesday, April 28, 2009 I Need Basketball To End  Like, now. NBA Playoff Basketball, you are just too too fucking much for me. Too much eye-grabbing amazingness, and you are now literally on TV seven nights a week for the next six weeks. And topping it all off, my Mavericks are even playing well. I simply do not know if I can handle this overload of stimuli. Dear god, help me. Labels: basketball posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 4/28/2009 07:52:00 AM 0 comments Saturday, April 11, 2009 Sometimes Being "Best" Means Being "Oldest"  Was poking around some piles of random basketball stats this morning while waiting to go out on an ill-fated bike ride in the rain, and discovered the following interesting tidbit: I haven't really looked too deeply into how this compares to other teams of the past, but I noticed that the 95-96 Bulls, NBA champs, winner of alltime record 72 games and arguably the greatest team in NBA history, did have not a single rotation player younger than 27 years old. The only young folks were extras Dickey Simpkins and Jason Caffey, who each played under 12 min/game. See the chart below for the full team info. 1995-96 CHICAGO BULLS, 72-10 and NBA Champs I'm interested in learning whether or not this is a rare example or not. It's common for great teams to have young players who simply ride the bench, but the Bulls simply had no young players at all. And in fact, my cursory glance at some recent great teams (00s Spurs and Lakers, 80s Lakers, Pistons, and Celtics) reveals that each of these teams not only had young rotation players but stars--each one of these teams featuring players under 27 who made significant contributions to the team. Yes, this is mostly tiddlywinks, but I find it curiously so. Labels: basketball, quickthoughts, statistics posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 4/11/2009 09:27:00 AM 0 comments Tuesday, April 07, 2009 The Seemingly Always Terrible World Of Z-Bo  The Los Angeles Clippers suspended forward Zach Randolph for two games on Monday after he was arrested for investigation of drunken driving hours after the team's 88-85 loss to the Los Angeles Lakers.If he keeps at it, dude will soon challenge Stephon Marbury for the tag of "bad behavior/attitude making every time worse upon arriving, better upon leaving". Keep at it, buddy! Labels: basketball, fucktactics, junkjunk posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 4/07/2009 08:42:00 AM 0 comments Friday, April 03, 2009 LiszBrontomania! hotdorknobs: http://www.lebronisreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallygood.com/ hotdorknobs: do you think the cavs made it? JeffreyBeaumont: i dunno JeffreyBeaumont: i would think not JeffreyBeaumont: given that it has "Player Efficiency Rating" lists JeffreyBeaumont: but then on the other hand they have a stat category "Pts + Asts + Rebs Total = 43.3" JeffreyBeaumont: which is like saying, "i am a good boyfriend because i have two pairs of diesel jeans, 1000 cds, and 32 friends" JeffreyBeaumont: which = 1034 cool boyfriend points JeffreyBeaumont: that's the kind of retard stat i would expect PR agencies to use hotdorknobs: hahah hotdorknobs: retardstats.tumblr.com hotdorknobs: that doesn't exist hotdorknobs: but would be funny JeffreyBeaumont: oh JeffreyBeaumont: i just went there JeffreyBeaumont: I said "Yes!!!" JeffreyBeaumont: But, now, Oh. hotdorknobs: haha sorry JeffreyBeaumont: fuck it, i'm registering it now JeffreyBeaumont: just in case hotdorknobs: YES JeffreyBeaumont: "Tallied 33 points, 14 rebounds and nine assists on Jan. 24th at Utah, becoming the first player to record at least those numbers in a non-overtime game since Kevin Garnett in 2004." JeffreyBeaumont: "With 38 points, seven rebounds, six assists, three blocks and four steals versus Boston on Jan. 9, he became the first person reach those numbers in a game since David Robinson on March 19, 1994." hotdorknobs: whoa we talkin about? JeffreyBeaumont: those are hilariously arbitrary statbars hotdorknobs: hahaha JeffreyBeaumont: and great examples of why "scouts hate stats" hotdorknobs: one might even say hilariously RETARDED JeffreyBeaumont: retardstats.tumblr.com hotdorknobs: hahahahah hotdorknobs: YES JeffreyBeaumont: on second hand i bet this site was designed either by his agent or his PR people JeffreyBeaumont: MAYBE the cavs JeffreyBeaumont: but definitely not a regular fan JeffreyBeaumont: "LeBron James finished March with 479 points, 152 rebounds and 143 assists. The only other player in NBA history to reach each of those totals in one month is Oscar Robertson, who did it in eight separate months, most recently in January 1965" hotdorknobs: "on march 14th, lebron james ate five (5) banana splits, the most since brad daugherty's infamous 'six split sunday' in 1993" JeffreyBeaumont: god yes, that is the fucking GOLD i am looking for Labels: basketball, fucktactics, IMs, junkjunk, lolgore posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 4/03/2009 04:47:00 PM 0 comments Friday, March 27, 2009 God Among Men  Oh Shaq! When asked what he thought of Greg Oden, O'Neal told HoopsWorld: "I don't. I'm a Shogun. You can't ask me about a low level ninja. I still have to worry about Yao Ming, Dwight Howard." Labels: basketball, lolgore, Shaq posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 3/27/2009 02:16:00 PM 1 comments 1
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Sunday, March 22, 2009 Team Beaumont, Addendum: Oh Matt, You've Got Grey Eyes It occurred to me that I made the egregious error today of putting together the Team Beaumont Starting Five without including my number one glue guy, The Sixth Man. How I could even pretend to have a team of any kind without him is beyond me, so without further adieu, here he is: SIXTH MAN: Matt Barnes, Suns  Matt can step in at pretty much any of the five positions, is scrappy to the max, and may even have better tattoos than Birdman. And let me just add right now:
THANKS K BYE!!! Labels: basketball, random lists posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 3/22/2009 03:32:00 AM 0 comments Wilt, You Are My Father  Shaq recognizes the importance of carrying a sword on any father-seeking quest As I think both Doorknobs and Hendo Crocus will attest, Shaq is and continues to be the motherfucking man. After passing Moses Malone today for fifth place on the all-time scoring list, Big Aristotle had the following to say: "It was good, but I'm still kind of disappointed in myself," O'Neal said. "Mathematically, I've missed three years worth of games and I missed 5,000 free throws. If I was there, I'd probably be No. 2 or No. 3 right now."I LOVE this man. Good god I love him and the NBA will be an immeasurably worse place when he's goes. Labels: basketball, love, quickthoughts posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 3/22/2009 03:16:00 AM 0 comments Saturday, March 21, 2009 I'm Mark Cuban, And This Is Team Beaumont As an addendum to my recent love for Birdman(s), I thought I'd throw out my Dream Team NBA Starting Five. These are the dudes I would want repping my life if I had the chance to throw out five vs. anyone else's five. CENTER: Chris "Birdman" Anderson, Nuggets  POWER FORWARD: Dirk "Der Natural" Nowitzki, Mavericks  SMALL FORWARD: Lamar "Ain't No Blue Moon" Odom, Lakers  SHOOTING GUARD: Devin "I'm no Kidd" Harris, Nets  POINT GUARD: Chauncey "Bigshot" Billups, Nuggets  I would take these five ultimate bros over any five NBA players any day of the week. If only fate could somehow bring them together.... What are your fives? (Kobe-Bron-Paul-Howard-Duncan? Zzzzzzzzzzz. Come with that shit.) Labels: basketball, random lists posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 3/21/2009 03:07:00 PM 1 comments 1
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BIRDMEN RULING THE ROOST / WAMP WAMP  My third favorite NBA player--second favorite white player, holla--had an amazing game last night, propelling the Nuggets to victory over the Wizards: Chris "Birdman" Andersen had 18 pts, 11 rbs and 6 blocks over only 22 minutes. Birdman missed two entire seasons due to a drug suspension but re-entered the NBA last spring as a reserve on the Hornets and is now back on the courts dunking, blocking, and flying high. Like this: God damn, I love this man. Note also: Musical soundtracking in video by "The Other Birdman", Lil Wayne dad stand-in Ronald Williams aka Baby.  Baby is more or less an ATROCIOUS song-killing rapper, and is mostly noteworthy for appending his trademarked (non-word) "birdsound" to southern rap tracks over the past ten years. A runthrough of Baby's career includes far too many terrible cuts to list--including, allegedly, an entire collabo album recorded with R. Kelly in 2004--but one unquestionable highlight was his Neptunes-produced track with Clipse, "What Happened to that That Boy", which thankfully limits Bird to one not-terrible verse and tons and tons of "brrrrr" birdsounds. Brrrrrrr!!!!!: And fuck yes: Watching that shit is making me HUNGER for the next Clipse record, to come sometime later this year. The first track, featuring Kanye, was rumored to be dropping March 9 but it's March 21 now and I ain't seen shit. However, do pick up the ...Road Til the Casket Drops mixtape though if you haven't already. It's brief and ain't sniffin' Vol 1 or 2, but I feel it way more than 4 Cheap Vol. 3 or that slept-on Re-up Gang record (unnecessary rendition of "Pop Champagne" notwithstanding). Man, I love these motherfuckers: WAMP WAMP!!! Love Jeffrey Labels: basketball, BIRDMAN, loved sounds, quickthoughts, rap posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 3/21/2009 02:06:00 PM 0 comments Thursday, March 12, 2009 A Little Rusty, Stephon?  Six games into his let's-try-this-again '08-'09 seasons with the Celtics, Stephon Marbury has already been thrust into an important rotation role that, as John Hollinger points out today, isn't quite working out the way Boston hoped. Last year Boston added Sam Cassell in the spring in a similar fashion, but Celtics injuries have put Marbury on the court a lot more often than the ten or so minutes a game Sam was asked to cover. This has put expectations on Marbury to not just being a bench player, but to be a contributor... and so far, the results ain't pretty. In 16.8 minutes a game, Marbury is averaging 1.2 points per game on 7-27 shooting (including 3-21 since the first game) (!!!!) with 2.0 turnovers, amounting to a PER of -2.59. This would be absolutely terrible if it we were talking about Steve Blake, or Bobby Hurley come out of retirement, but considering that it comes from a player who described himself in December 2004 as "the best point guard in the game", it's just at another level. The Celts better hope he remembers how to play soon, or else they're gonna be in some trouble. Labels: basketball, fucktactics, quickthoughts posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 3/12/2009 07:17:00 PM 0 comments Balling To The Wire I love the NBA more every day. From the insane individual seasons of LeBron, Chris Paul, and Dwyane Wade, to the large number of stellar teams and the larger number of truly good teams, and to the seemingly endless stream of constantly exciting regular season games on each week TV, this season has seemed greater to me than any I can remember in recent memory. Certainly the competitive relief of knowing that the East finally has a handful of truly worthy teams to compete with West's best makes everything feel richer and more balanced, but it's also just that the league seems to have finally reached that magic combo of high-water talent and across-the-board parity. Two of the league's worst teams are among its most exciting, and you can make an easy argument that only three out of thirty teams are less-than-interesting (Washington, Memphis, and Sacramento). How many sports leagues can make a claim like that? Anyone who sat through watched games in the AL and NL central last year know that baseball sure can't. But through all of the gooey awesomeness of the NBA, one of the craziest things going on right now is the uberparity of the Western powers, as evidenced by the playoff standings, which right now are crazily bunched up : http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/standings  As my Mavs have now won seven of nine and are developing a comfortable margin over the Suns (now 5.5 games), i was wondering how possible it would be for them to move up in the standings further. Well, it's fucking crazy! Right now there is a mere 1.5 games separating the no. 3 seed from the no. 8... completely nuts. Realistically speaking it seems the Mavs could probably pass Portland and Denver for no. 6, and maybe also the Rockets for no. 5, but with not the most insane luck in the world they could make it all the way to number three--how insane is that? I'm hoping they make it to 6 and Houston somehow holds onto 3, but I guess I'll take anything that involves playoff basketball. Which, speaking of, should be broadly awesome across every round provided that either Chicago or Charlotte can inch past Milwaukee for no. 8. And even Milwaukee, despite losses of Redd AND Bogut, still got plus signs. Rattling off as fast as possible, my favorite things about this season: Dirk!!!! (always!!!) The Mavs (always!!!) (except after 06 Finals and 07 playoffs) Ramon Sessions (finally they canned Ridnour) Nate Robinson Second Half! Charlie Villaneuva, finally LeBron James Devin Harris Ascension Knicks Becoming Exciting Again D'Antoni ball Dwyane Wade's return to form Jason Kidd not completely falling off the earth Return of Shaq The Quotable Shaq Jason Terry having the best year of his career AND coming back from a broken hand in under 3 weeks Wade-Barkley T-Mobile Commercials Spurs Reliability Lakers Being Hateable Again Basketball!!!!! Anyway... BASKETBALL!!!!!!!! UPDATE: As an amusing endnote to the above points, today the Hollinger "Playoff Odds" Program predicts that in fact FIVE teams will finish with identical 51-31 records, with Dallas right behind at 49-33. Crazy! See below:  Labels: basketball, quickthoughts posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 3/12/2009 01:33:00 AM 0 comments Sunday, March 01, 2009 Shaq, Back On Top Of The World Labels: basketball posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 3/01/2009 04:53:00 PM 0 comments Ain't No Nattering Nabob No More  After ringing in 28 points, 8 rebounds, and 4 assists in a close 120-115 loss to the Heat last night, it seems safe to say Nate Robinson appears to be elevating himself to "the next level" this month:  Robinson came off the bench for all but one of these, and of course, of the nine, the Knicks have won only three--but that can be laid on the Knicks being at a point where they're throwing out Larry Hughes as a starting shoot guard and Jared Jeffries (!!!) as their starting center. I always lumped Robinson into the Bassy Telfair category of "exciting" tiny not-really-point guards who can't shoot, but Nate this season seems to be demonstrating himself to be of another level over ST. I'm interested to see where this goes. Labels: basketball, statistics, thoughts posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 3/01/2009 01:46:00 PM 1 comments Tuesday, February 24, 2009 Larry Hughes Is To Shit As Tim Thomas Is To...Joe Budden(s)?
hotdoorknobs: terrible hotdoorknobs: i do not like larry hughes hotdoorknobs: trading tim thomas for larry hughes was like trading poop for shit styrofoamfuror: hmm, well, speaking of shit/poop, right now i am listening to disc two of the TWELVE DISC Joe Budden(s) comp Growth Of A Legend (The Complete Collection) . hotdoorknobs: ZING! Labels: basketball, fucktactics, loved sounds, rap posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 2/24/2009 03:33:00 PM 0 comments So LeBron Is Crazy, But This Is Just Insane... This fucking shot is OUT OF CONTROL. It's not just a 3pt buzzer beater, or just a half court shot, but a 3pt buzzer beater halfcourt shot that he fumbles, catches and then lobs, with only a tenth of a second before the buzzer expires. Basketball!!!!!!!!!!! oh yeah, and the obligatory, "fucking jason kidd!" Labels: basketball, INSANITY, VICTORY posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 2/24/2009 11:49:00 AM 0 comments Monday, February 23, 2009 PLEASEEEEEEEEE watch this fucking LeBron video Dear lord, watch this display of non-human CRAZINESS: I am floored and speechless. This is just out of control, from LeBron's 55 point game--this is a stretch where LeBron scored 16 points in two minutes during an 18-4 Cavs run. The thing is, the shots he takes here.... are literally the most ridiculous selection of shots i've ever seen in my life. Like, so fucking bad and ugly that if he were anyone else in the NBA he'd prob get benched for taking shots like these... And some how he makes them ALL, except, most bizarrely, the two free throws he takes. The confidence he displays in throwing these shots up... it's like he just KNOWS that he's going to make 'em all in. And it looks like he's this guy.... but you know it's not the same kind of luck. Totally insane. This man. Insane. I cannot wait for the fucking playoffs. Labels: basketball, CRAZY posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 2/23/2009 07:49:00 PM 2 comments 2
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Tuesday, February 10, 2009 H-to-the-Izzo (Dreams Comes True) From the wires today! Three chosen to play H-O-R-S-EDefinitely rad news, I say. More so than a dunk contest even. Amusing to me it took them so long to come up with the idea, but it's definitely a dream fifteen years in the making: ever since Bird battled Jordan in 93's McDonald's HORSE commercials, I've wanted to see real NBA stars battle it out on something ridiculous. Here's the original commercial: Labels: basketball, curiosities, memories, old flames posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 2/10/2009 05:37:00 PM 0 comments |
GET BEHIND ME DEAD MAN
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