Saturday, January 30, 2010
On Dealing With "Special" People
I am entering the final planning stages for an event i'm working on and we had a meet and greet night this week to recruit volunteers to help us execute everything. Hilariously, I received this email today to access a spreadsheet summarizing the volunteer involvement:
One person was actually listed as ""very, very special".
Labels: deprarious, fucktactics, lolgore, REAL LIFE IMs
posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 1/30/2010 06:26:00 PM
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Monday, November 23, 2009
Don't Get Abused By Those Fat Bitches
The above is a note found amidst all of the leftover shit we cleaned up after our conference last week, presumably penned by some of the help we'd hired to assist at a dinner; I am assuming they are speaking in regard to some of my female colleagues.
In case you can't read it, it says:
Writer #1: "We keep getting left out of the 'Do you need anything? Do you want food?' loop" Writer #2: "I know!! Why do they hate us?? I feel like we are being abused by those fat bitches."
Seriously!
Labels: curiosities, lolgore, REAL LIFE IMs
posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 11/23/2009 04:08:00 PM
0 comments
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
A Small Asian Girl Has Been Leaving Notes In My Office Doorway
 "Jeffrey, You Are So Lucky That You Will Be On The News Paper!"
I have no idea who she belongs to or where she came from. I also do not have any idea what she means or is referencing. From the corner of my eye she appeared to be about 7 years old; I think she's probably a little delusional. Also, her name rhymes with mine.
 "Thanks. I will write about you now." "[OTHER SIDE--->>>]"
 "Jeffrey is working so hard. Thanks so so much Ben for working hard." "NEWS" Labels: curiosities, god letters, lolgore, REAL LIFE IMs
posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 10/20/2009 05:39:00 PM
1 comments
Friday, October 16, 2009
This Is What Happens When You Are Trapped On A Chinatown Bus For Too Long
There is also a braid in my hair now.
My uncle wrote Lil Beau and I an email today letting us know he'd pick us up from Boston. Love that man: "It is my understanding that you folks are taking the bus (Chinese bus way too fast!) up from NYC. Just in case the bus driver is driving too fast I took the liberty to look up the Chinese translation for slow down. It is 'chi huan xiang xia' so please feel free to yell it at the bus driver if you feel the need. If by chance I got the translation wrong then I'm sure you will know immediately by the drivers reaction........" When I texted him 15 min ago to say there'd be an accident on the road and we were delayed by an hour-plus, he wrote back: "No worries..sorry I didn't translate "go faster!'" Labels: fucktactics, IMs, lolgore, REAL LIFE IMs
posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 10/16/2009 10:00:00 PM
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Saturday, September 12, 2009
Jordan recalled a time when he was pulled aside by former Chicago assistant Tex Winter after scoring 20 points in a row to lead the Bulls to victory.
"Tex reminded me that there's no 'I' in team," Jordan said. "And I looked back at Tex and said, 'There's an "I" in win.' … So whichever way you want it."
--Michael Jordan, at his inauguration yesterday into the Basketball Hall of FameLabels: basketball, lolgore, REAL LIFE IMs
posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 9/12/2009 08:53:00 AM
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Thursday, July 30, 2009
Cats And Space Ships N' Shit
All of this seems like gold to me. Labels: lolgore, REAL LIFE IMs
posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 7/30/2009 03:30:00 PM
1 comments
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Super Koopa
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Labels: IMs, lolgore, REAL LIFE IMs
posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 7/29/2009 07:08:00 PM
1 comments
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Icelandic Insanity
Just a brief photo update on the craziness from last week that EK and I attended, which, again, was from this show, Melanie Bonajo's "As Thrown Down From Heaven". I thought it was just going to be a photo exhibition, but, while there were indeed MB photos, it turned out to be some totally mental and insane performance art.
This first photo, taken on my iPhone, shows the beginning of the show where Melanie, in tie-dyed onesie, gave the crowd a warm-up during some technical difficulties by singing a Whitney Houston-esque ballad. She then told us that the show was ready to begin, which meant she began bleating crazed, guttural scream-vocals over a tribal-hardcore techno beat until the collapsed on the floor in a heap.
At this point EK and I decided to leave but as we headed into the hallway we saw this train of people we realized were "performers" and it became immediately obvious that we needed to go back inside: Little known fact: pans work just as well as underwear at protecting yr junk, and also keep out unwanted visitors.
Ummmmmmmmm... Yes. Your eyes are not deceiving you: that is indeed a naked woman with household objects--including a chair, lamp, and broom--tied to her body and a bucket on her head. What. The. Fuck. ...? And you can't tell from the photo but there were three other equally crazily dressed people standing with these two; obviously, I was mesmerized.
A moment after snapping this photo, these folk then walked into the gallery and upon exchanging, "We can't not go back in, right?" glances, EK and I followed them inside.
Thankfully at this point, EK pulled out and handed to me her nice point-and-shoot so I could take some shots above the standard crap-level of the iphone camera.
It was really crowded and the crazy people had left me momentarily stunned, so I'm not entirely sure how Melanie made it from the front room with the mic to this next room, but when we arrived inside the room, the scene looked something like this:
Yes. A full on altar on the ground like something out of Twin Peaks' Black Lodge. The five performers were kneeling on the ground around Melanie performing what appeared to be funeral rites, until after a moment the fifth (and, incidentally only semi-normally dressed) person got up and began floating around the room blowing sage incense on people.
She was then followed by the other naked girl, this one clothed only in a red hat pulled down entirely over her face but cut out on top so that her long dark hair came out. The "hat" had long, blobular tassle-like pieces that on some tiny level covered parts of her upper body, but she was largely exposed to the elements and looking mega crazy. All of which you can see in this next photo:
Our naked friend then began looking even crazier as she commenced "dancing" across the room, locomoting in a semi-rhythmic too-nuts-for-modern-dance motion that consisted of graceful bodily improvisation alternating with primal body-grunt thrusts. This resulted in her frequently landing on the floor with a bang, including in the above photo, in which she fell upon a pile of dirt at my feet.
Of the other three fairies, the furniture-bound naked one continued with the funeral rites, while the other female seemed to disappear (at least from my view) from sight. The last "performer", a large terrifying-looking man wearing an adult-sized pink Care Bears costume (complete with bear-eared hood) then stood up and walked over toward me. Picking up a shovel along the way, he began scooping up dirt from the pile at my feet and placing it on another part of the floor nearby. After 5 or 6 scoop dumps, he then began scooping up dirt and carrying it back to the altar where he dumped it on Melanie's stomach.
Every single minute and movement of this was blowing our minds and EK and I continually looked back at one another mouthing "Seriously?!?! What the fuck!??!". Finally, after about 20 minutes of nonsense, all five fairies rejoined Melanie in the center circle (the disappeared one appearing from nowhere crawling on all paws) for the conclusion, which you can see here:
This may look like same photo as the one above but it isn't.
I don't remember exactly what happened to end things but basically they started humming and then finally collapsed forward and the music stopped. I'm sure by then many people were just wondering when it would be over, but I couldn't keep my eyes off the Care Bear's foot, which was so close to the candles that I expected his costume to ignite at any minute (see photo above).
And then a minute later it was over and all six performers immediately filed out of the room to who knows where.
So, all in all: keeping real, keeping it crazy, keeping it Beaumont. Labels: art, CRAZY, fucktactics, INSANITY, photography, quicksnaps, REAL LIFE IMs, thoughts
posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 5/19/2009 12:24:00 AM
0 comments
Sunday, April 19, 2009
On The Topic Of Things That Are Crazy
I heard my boss leave a phone message for his wife last night where--no shit--he used the phrase "no homo".
Umm....
!!!!!
Life is weird some times.Labels: fucktactics, lolgore, quickthoughts, REAL LIFE IMs
posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 4/19/2009 11:15:00 PM
1 comments
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Kim, You Have Had My Heart Since The Beginning Of Time
 Twenty years ago I was turning seven: Kim Deal in 1988
So...I often try to avoid generating my "work" so directly from things I read in Pitchfork--if only because usually any of you may have already read about it there--but today they featured an interview with Kim and Kelley Deal of the Breeders and I just couldn't pass up mentioning it.
Why? Well, not only is the interview great (and I love the Breeders and everything they do), but Kim Deal is my first and oldest crush and she still, fifteen years later, sets my heart aflutter everytime I read/see/hear anything that has to do with her.
Cassie, Nomi, I'm sorry--when Kim's in town I have to ask you to step aside. (Luckily she lives in Ohio with her sister so this isn't regularly an issue. Come back to me now, please.)
Anyway, the interview discusses the upcoming release of their new self-issued EP Fate to Fatal, the future of the Pixies, and other fun topics. You should check out the whole thing at the link above, but I loved this part and paste it here for you now: Kim: I don't know if anybody's going to buy [the EP]. I assume one person will download it, and everybody else will steal it. I have no idea what people do nowadays. People might actually buy digital music. Do you know if they do?
Pitchfork: I buy off iTunes sometimes.
Kim: [To Kelley] He says he buys digital music off iTunes. [To Pitchfork] Kelley says you're lying.
Pitchfork: No, I do!
Kim: Really?
Pitchfork: Yeah.
Kim: Right. Right. Right. Right.
Pitchfork: Do you think you'll keep putting stuff out by yourselves?
Kim: I don't see the drawback yet. Like I said, music is free, so who cares? It's not like we're in a rap band and I really need someone to sponsor my hundred-thousand-dollar wardrobe and car. I don't know. Despite the fact that this passage includes a bit of what kills me about pfork writing (writer dude, come on! stay out of the way! please!), I was cracking up here. If you caught the Pixies reunion doc loudQUIETloud--please check it out if you haven't--you have seen the way these two sisters interact with each other and I just love it. I loved the "[to Kelley]" "[to Kim]" part. And their take on the state of the music industry? Man, great. My natural cynicism forces me to read it as a little forced, but these two are also totally nuts, so I won't pretend that I have any real insight into their opinions of the world. Either way, I love it!
MORE KIM! NOM FUCKING NOM!
MAKE ME COOL AND TRANSPORT ME BACK TO 1993 AND KIM I WILL COME TO DAYTON LOVE YOU AND TEACH YOU TO LEARN TO CRY WITHOUT DRUGS AND THE LATE 90S WON'T HAVE TO BE SUCH A BLUR!
Anyways, you got my number next time you plan in Brooklyn.
love, Jeffrey
LISTEN:
NOTES: ***-- I fucking love this one!!!!!!! Labels: crushes, Kim Deal, love, mp3, music, REAL LIFE IMs
posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 4/15/2009 11:56:00 PM
1 comments
Monday, April 13, 2009
Wild Kindness
The Wild Kindness: hand-embroidered CD cover by Mabel de Silentio
A little burst of joy arrived for me in the mail this weekend, in the form of a new package from my longtime friend Mabel de Silentio.
Mabel has recently returned to New Orleans from a few years abroad in the Czech Republic and is gearing up for a move back to the northeast in a few months for grad school. One of the only friends I made in high school that I still keep in touch with, I am glad she is back in the states and look forward to seeing her again soon.
In the meantime, I shall enjoy the most recent of what has become an infrequent but long-standing tradition of mail-delivered communications dating from before the era of standardized electronic interaction. Key among each of these packages is always the golden ticket: the latest distillation of music interests accumulating in our brains as transferred to the world by the <79:59 style="font-style: italic;">The Wild Kindness and I look forward to spending the next few months digesting it until I can't hear it anymore.Labels: friends, love, loved sounds, mixes, music, REAL LIFE IMs
posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 4/13/2009 11:12:00 PM
0 comments
This Is The Kind of Reason Why I'm Terrified I Will Ultimately Get Fired
Note this deprarious exchange. Read carefully. This was mostly hilarious, and a reminder about the dangers of typing and walking simultaneously. Whoops!-----Original Message-----
From: L****, Becky
Sent: Friday, April 10, 2009 2:45 PM
To: Beaumont, Jeffrey
Subject: Re: LA Media Council Breakfast scheduled
A what?????????? J J
-----Original Message-----
From: Beaumont, Jeffrey
Sent: Friday, April 10, 2009 2:45 PM
To: L****, Becky
Subject: Re: LA Media Council Breakfast scheduled
Great news. If you can get me his headshit I'll put on the site.
Cheers
Jeffrey
Sent from my iPhone
-----Original Message-----
On Apr 10, 2009, at 5:42 PM, "L****, Becky" wrote:
>
> An LA Media Council breakfast has been scheduled with Eric S*****, EVP of Entertainment, D****** for Thursday, June 11 from 8:30 to 9:30am.
>
>
>
> Becky L****
> Associate Director of Development, Los Angeles
Oh man. Could have been worse, I guess.
Labels: deprarious, fucktactics, lolgore, REAL LIFE IMs
posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 4/13/2009 02:40:00 AM
0 comments
Friday, April 10, 2009
I Used To Have Great Love For This Man
"you can't compare apples and spiders i get that. but apples and oranges. man! they are in the same section of the grocery store." -- Murs
I won't say that I don't still now, but, man, things are certainly a lot different than they were in spring 2003.
Nonetheless:
Labels: loved sounds, memories, rap, REAL LIFE IMs
posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 4/10/2009 03:39:00 PM
0 comments
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Friday Afternoon, Dear God, I Can Fucking See You And You Are So Nearly Here!
A Thursday Morning Transaction of Words:
Boss: Jeffrey, can i have this script? I said I needed it for 10am today
Jeffrey: Umm. I emailed it to you yesterday.
Boss: Emailed? Yesterday? You sure about that? I didn't get anything from you.
Jeffrey: Umm. Yes. [points at screen] See, 5:45 yesterday. [points at screen again] And see, you wrote back to me at 5:49 and said, "Thanks man." Right?
 Labels: deprarious, fucktactics, lolgore, REAL LIFE IMs
posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 3/26/2009 10:07:00 AM
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GET BEHIND ME DEAD MAN
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