Slang Editorial :: Never Underestimate The Value Of A Holla'

Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Living By Rote

I had a strange incident yesterday while buying my lunch at the halal cart down the street on 52 & 6th.

Typically when I buy from here, I get either a beef cheesesteak, or else the lamb-chicken combo over rice. These are easily my two favorite items on the menu, for different reasons. The cheesesteak in particular I would say is the best cheesesteak I've ever had in my life--cheesesteak fans, once you start going halal, you will never desire the trad-American boring whiz n beef again. The cheesesteak, however, is always a total mess due to all the hot and white sauce dripping off the tinfoil, and I often buy the combo over rice as a more clothes-friendly midtown lunch option. Either way though, I always eat happy.

Anyway, yesterday though for whatever reason when I got to the cart I suddenly decided that perhaps the best thing in the world might be to order a cheesesteak, but with lamb meat rather than the frozen beef that they grill up (admittedly while their lamb and chicken are specially seasoned, the beef is pretty standard i think). There have been many times in the past when I've ordered something along these lines because they'd run out of beef so it didnt really seem all that crazy. However, apparently in ordering this sandwich I may have been asking for the moon to show up in the middle of the afternoon.

A few things to keep in mind:

1) There are two standard guys usually at this cart who I have been seeing for years, who know the items I generally order and how I like them prepared. Instead, yesterday there were two dudes I'd never seen before

2) Your standard cheesesteak is: frozen beef, grilled and seasoned with their oil-vinegar, with chopped peppers and onions, cheese placed on top, lettuce (and tomato, if desired) added, and then served on a hero. There is no such thing on the menu, however, as a lambmeat-substitute cheesesteak made in this fashion. Instead, what exists on the menu is perhaps the most standard cart staple of them all, the lamb gyro (pronounced "hero"), which is the doner lamb grilled and then served in a rolled pita.

So: I knew immediately upon ordering that I was going to have trouble, as my request for a "cheesesteak with lamb instead of beef" was not met with "oks", but, rather, repetitions by the two men of things I had not said, including "lamb gyro" and "cheesesteak". Still, I saw the cook cutting off the lamb and began dreaming about the surely amazing concoction I was about to eat. I was listening to "Lisztomania" at the time and dancing in front of the cart like I was Molly Ringwald, not paying attention to anything but the happy sunshine beat, but it all came to a screeching halt as I suddenly noticed him oiling up a pita to throw on the grill with the lamb.

"Pita! No! I want it on a hero my friend. Cheesesteak, with lamb."

He looked at me with confusion but pulled out a hero and began readying it. I went back into my Liszto-world to hear it through til it's conclusion until again I was jerked back to reality as I saw the sandwich held with front of me for white/hot saucing but containing NO CHEESE.

"Dude!! Cheese! Cheesesteak!" I said, knowing immediately after the fact that my tone sounded more annoyed than it should have been.

To this the saucer said, "Lamb Gyro, yes" and the cook just said, "Cheese". I repeated myself and the cook said, "OK yeah man i'll put cheese on", and then just slapped two pieces of cheese on the top of the sandwich (as you can see in the photo above). Of course, the way the cheese melts is by having it sit on top of the meat while on the grill, and so this cheese would do no melting, and plus since it was now on the top of the sandwich, the sauces that were soon to be deposited were not absorbed into the meat but rather dripped immediately off the sandwich. I know already the thing was more or less a total fail, and before I could say anything else he wrapped the sandwich up without adding lettuce (or tomato, which I never get anyway). Also, there were no peppers or onions added.

Moral of the story: never do anything outside the box. Ever. Or at least, try extra hard to be communicative when you are introducing new meaning to a situation where action is usually conducted by rote.

Labels: fucktactics, lolgore, thoughts

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 6/16/2009 08:09:00 AM 1 comments

1 Comments:

hotdoorknobs said...: "Moral of the story: never do anything outside the box. Ever."

literal lol when i got to this part; 6/21/2009 06:08:00 PM