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Friday, February 20, 2009 ...Or Maybe It's The Age Of Universal Stab-Myself-In-The-Eye  I have probably had worse luck with automobiles than just about anybody alive. Today, I discovered that my mom's car--which I was watching while she visited friends in Florida for the week--has been stolen. Awesome, and depressingly hilarious given that I don't even have a car of my own any more (returned home after too many parking tickets and break-in debacles). A HISTORY OF CAR OWNERSHIP BY JEFFREY BEAUMONT From the ages of 16-21, I owned FIVE cars: 1) '91 Toyota Corolla wagon, light blue Owned: August 1998-October 2000 From: old car from parents Issue 1: girl at party backed into my car and then drove away Issue 2: Car died, October 2000 Reason for loss: Ran the engine dry--my own stupidity 2) '89 Plymouth Sundance, maroon Owned: November 2000-April 2001 From: grandparents to replace Corolla Issue 1: only ran on three of four cylinders and had a giant leak in oil tank Issue 2: Car died, April 2001 Reason for loss: Old age. No fault. 3) '90 Plymouth Sundance V6, white Owned: May 2001-February 2002 From: Purchased from local car garage for $1700 Issue 1: Unnecessary V6 guzzled hilarious amounts of gas for a tiny car Reason for loss: found better car to replace; sold for $1500 4) '89 Honda Accord, navy blue Owned: February 2002-February 2004 From: Purchased from local car garage for $2000 Issue 1: I loved this fucking car, and basically got it for an extra $500 Issue 2: Was 13 years old and 173,000 miles upon purchase and had already had engine replaced Issue 3: Overheated constantly Reason for loss: Old age. No fault. 5) 2001 Saturn, beige Owned: May 2004-December 2004 From: Given to me as college graduation present Issue 1: I also loved this fucking car, and drove it on five-week cross-country road trip. Driven approximately 17,000 miles throughout ownership Issue 2: Did not need a car after moving to NYC in October 2004 Issue 3: Dad did not want to continue paying insurance and I didn't want to pay either Reason for loss: Not needed in New York, or to sit in a garage upstate, so sold (for more than originally purchased). Seriously--that's fucking ridiculous, right?? I guess I am pretty much done with cars. Labels: cockblocking, FAIL, fucktactics, HATEFUL posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 2/20/2009 11:11:00 AM 1 comments |
GET BEHIND ME DEAD MAN
you kinda left out your brief love affair with my lady 91 accord
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