Slang Editorial :: Never Underestimate The Value Of A Holla'

Tuesday, November 06, 2007
C0mputR Gggl blUuzzzzzzz & Otthaa Stuffff

As much as I treasure and cherish them, sometimes computers seem like they enjoy nothing more than to making me suffer and squirm. This is the problem inherent in early 21st century hyperliving--the technology which I love and and embrace is not yet fully prepared to love me back.

1st Case in point: Blogger logins.
We--meaning I--all signed up for Blogger back in the day when it had its own separate set of logins and big daddy Google only crept so much in the sneaksneak creepcreep "Gotcha!" department. Those were good days when i was like, "Shit, GREAT deal for me--and Google can only help make it better!!" Wrong. Sadly, at some point a year or two ago, all of this changed and Google finally understood the potential they had been failing to capitalize on (and/or stopped having moral qualms about what it could mean) and began requesting that users move their blogger accounts over to a Google/Gmail account. Harmless, right? Cause, Hell, why not integrate? Cause wouldn't it actually be inteGREAT? Combine featuresets, preferences, streamline processes--seriously, what's to lose here? I wasn't totally on-board with all of this, but as techloving bastard I was certainly curious enough to find out if this was one more way I could make technology improve my life. Sadly, yes, I was wrong.

So where's the yikes, Bill Sykes? Basically it all boils down to a few specific annoyances resultant from one looming philosophical concern, listed now in orders below arbitrarily chosen by I, Claudius.

Philosophy: one of the boons of the internet (no caps, sorry) is that it offers not only anonymity but also the ability to maintain multiple identities. Alas, what I have slowly begun to realize, is that at some point in late 2005 Google decided that, as company with a burgeoning market cap approaching and even dwarfing the GDP of many countries in Africa, It's not so easy to monetize the shadows. Or, specifically, It's a lot easier to monetize identifiable people with bank accounts and social security numbers.

This shit is REAL. They can find YOU too.

Is this Big Brother talk? Fuck, no, it really is not. Think about it: if I am logged into Gmail and I pop open Google Maps, I have access to my entire history of GMaps searches no matter what computer I am on--all right there at my fingertips... Which actually sounds REALLY useful, not creepy/bad. And it is, honestly. But... this is where shit gets tricky. Saved maps preferences is only the next step in an evolution that began with "The Start", inline Gmail advertising--I remember Doorknobs telling me about the early beta in May 2004 and how it was great but the only catch was that they would parse your emails and generate ads based upon keywords you type. At the time I was sufficiently disapproving so as to avoid jumping on the beg-for-beta-invite ship, but within a few months I came around. The Gmail services, like those of Google Maps, had me sold and I decided that their benefits outweighed the tradeoffs.

And still now, I think they do, but these "benefits" aren't perfect and sometimes it's just too much.

Let's go back to my initial Case Heading, the Blogger login, and examine one of the most annoying aspects that has become part of the "improved user experience." When I decided to link my Blogger account to my Gmail address, I chose not my "main" email, but instead an alternative, limited-use email. I did so, for one, because the altmail usage fit my act on Blogger more, but, also, because I try whenever possible to keep my "real email" out of the limelight so I can to retain some degree of that internet anonymity and alternative identity (AND NON-SPAMMAGE!) that I crave. But almost immediately upon changing over, I realized that I had committed a very irksome mistake: as browser cookies do not allow you to be logged-in to multiple gmail accounts at the same time, I therefore can no longer blog and email simultaneously (at least, not within the same browser).

[crickets]

Umm. Yeah.

Seriously dudes!!! I know this admission means I'M flying my dorkflag colors way high, but what the fuck? This IS a big deal to a whiny bitch like myself stuck on a 4 year old 1ghz G4 that isn't so cool about running two browsers and AirT-streaming iTunes simultaneously. Seriously! And that's just the Right-now-this-sucks gripe, why I'm moaning to myself about how I need to justify buying a new Pro rather than get my very fucked teeth fixed. But philosophically speaking, my endpoint is that we are nearing a future where a single log-in, corresponding to a real "certified" identity, gets you in everywhere--and without it, nowhere. Right now such a time feels both close and far away, but I promise you that it is imminent.

But on the other hand....

So, what else? Lots of things, dudes!

SHA-BAAAM, and MORE: GhostDOLLZ, GoATZ, CHILD BANKINGS, A-Rod

- GhostDOLLZ

So Lil' Beau Sistarrz emails me today with her X-mas request:

"Dear Santa Beau,
All I want for Christmas is the $499.99 Ghostface Killah Doll with 14k gold jewelry, velvet robes, and constant disgruntled expression. I will be extremely good for the rest of my life and will never ask for anything more. Seriously, check the list, I'm under SO FUCKING NICE IT IS PAINFUL."

I hope she right cause I'd hate for her to miss out on this pretty fucking princess:

- GOATTTZZ

Also from Sistarrrz, while back, myotonic goats:

Myotonic, as in "tonic muscle spasm or muscular rigidity" aka tha faintz.

- Child Dollar Learnings Control!

Engadget had my back on this one today, coming of course out of Japan:

The Hello Kitty ATM Bank (for kids)!!!

The scoop:

they're real

Erm. Yars.

And finally,

- PAY-Rod

Many have speculated over the past few years whether or not Alex Rodriguez is the greatest douchebag (not asshole, jerk, or prick, mind you, but douchebag) in all of pro sports. It turns out, after ESPN has reveals that he really did demand $350mil from the Yanks, that he is.

My stomach is usually ok for the grossness of pro athletes but this is some queasy shit. I really really REALLY hope that, for once, this guy (as representing all top dollar sportfucks) doesn't get what he's asking for, that NO team out there is ready to pay him $35 million per season. Because, please, come on! Fucking nuts!!

What's most crazy is that i just can't imagine any other team besides the Yankees even considering offering a 32 year old player $30 mil per year even, let alone $35mil-per for ten fucking years... and yet A-rod, for whatever reason, has spit in their faces. In Sunday's NYT, lawyer Jeffrey Gordon argues that this is all part of some bizarre negotiating tactics to keep the Yankees IN the game, but I can't buy that shit. ESPN's Rob Neyer (sorry, Insider only) and the always astute though also arrogant and occasionally insufferable sportseconomist / Sabernomicist JC Bradbury don't buy it, either.

In any event, A-Rod is, in the immortal words of Noah's brother, "A DOUCHE."

AMEN.

Next up, 801, "Nanci," more!

Yours always and faithfully,

J. G. Beaumont, Esq.

Labels: case studies, fucktactics, junkjunk, yanks

posted by Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything at 11/06/2007 11:28:00 PM 1 comments

1 Comments:

ezruh sellof said...: "Yo, what's in Ben's most recent post?"

"Oh, you know, fainting goats, hello kitty atms, some google conspiracy theories, geekery...oh yeah, he called A.Rod a douchebag."

"It was just a short post then?"

FER REAL, get a new computer, run two browsers. damn the gman.; 11/07/2007 12:48:00 AM