Slang Editorial :: Never Underestimate The Value Of A Holla'

Sunday, May 23, 2004
It's been a long time, I shouldn't have left you, without a dope beat to step to

After spending the last four years in the Midwest, I'm just now starting to pick up on the regional dialects. "Ruf" is Minnesotan for "roof," "beer" is Wisconsin for "water", and "Reggie Miller" is Indianan for "grossly overrated."

Dude hits a shot at the end of the game one yesterday and the Associated Press devotes eight of its first nine paragraphs to it. Fair enough, it was a pretty big three. Before that, however, Reg had missed first first six attempts. Big-game Reg, connect on a couple of shots in the first three quarters and you might not need to bail your team out all the time. The rest of his line was insipid as well; Miller-time finished with fewer assists than Ben Wallace and half as many boards as Tayshaun Prince. For the postseason, he's shooting under 40 percent; that's worse than everyone on his team save Austin Crochet. Seriously, have five seconds of spectacular basketball every gone further for a player's career?

Ty

posted by Tyco Nightglow at 5/23/2004 12:03:00 PM 0 comments

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

<$BlogBacklinkTitle$>: <$BlogBacklinkSnippet$>
posted by <$BlogBacklinkAuthor$> @ <$BlogBacklinkDateTime$>

Create a Link

Monday, May 17, 2004
Diamond stories

Move over ... Arizona? OK, I don't really know who the nation's top softball programs are, but whoever is running shit on those tiny diamonds best watch their back. "Oh Yeah, Well We'll Beat You At Scrabble," the lovable losers of Carleton College intramural softball, just won its first game of the season. In a thrilling finish, staff ace Tyco Nightglow hit an RBI double in the bottom of the last inning to secure the W. Come now, there's no need to mention his two throwing errors in the top of the last inning that let the other team back into it. Or his repeated groundouts with runners on base earlier in the game. Can't a brother have his parade? Damn haters.

I guess I should say something in this post that people might actually care about. City of God is a tight movie. If I still remembered any Spanish, I'd cop the book too. As is, I'm just waiting for some lazy ass translators to put down the latte and go to work. You hear me Collins? I know you speak Spanish and shit, what the hell are you waiting for? Actually, the book was written in Portuguese (it takes place in Brazil). This complicates things a little bit. Wait, isn't that Nene's language. Let's go Hilario, there's no point in working out this offseason if all they're going to do is feed Melo. How 'bout some ayuda with this literary job? Damn, that's Spanish again. I'm an awful person.

Ty

PS - That little spell checker we've got on this blog is so cute. I mean Dakota Fanning guest starring on Friends cute.

posted by Tyco Nightglow at 5/17/2004 10:10:00 PM 0 comments

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

<$BlogBacklinkTitle$>: <$BlogBacklinkSnippet$>
posted by <$BlogBacklinkAuthor$> @ <$BlogBacklinkDateTime$>

Create a Link

WELCOME BACK?!?!

Okay, so I guess it was bound to happen. Our boy Mason Betha has returned from pledging his service to The Lord to the post more suited than the pulpit for his Mushmouth-cum-crackhead flow: Diddy's fucking nutsack. MOVE OVER LOON!!

Needless to say, on his new single "Welcome Back" (which samples Welcome Back Kotter, you know the melody) kid still sounds like he was repeatedly bludgeoned with a hammer as a baby. With a delivery that can most favorably be described as "sleepy," and most accurately as "retarded," Harlem's golden boy spits FIRE that'll bring you right back to '98:

I make my money man without the coca / livin la vida without the loca / I'm down south so they show me country love / and I ain't even country thug / people give me daps and hugs so it must be love / and I love the country grub

Damn. Check out the links below to hear for yourself:

Mase & Diddy on Hot 97
New Single "Welcome Back"

posted by hotdoorknobs at 5/17/2004 09:32:00 PM 0 comments

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

<$BlogBacklinkTitle$>: <$BlogBacklinkSnippet$>
posted by <$BlogBacklinkAuthor$> @ <$BlogBacklinkDateTime$>

Create a Link

I want to act ballerific like it's all terrific

Question. When MTV shows the Kanye West video "All Falls Down," do they edit out the line "I wanna be on 106 and Park pushin a Benz?" I was just saw that, and I'm pretty sure that line was missing. There are two possibilities. First, everyone else already knows about this and is bored by this post. Since the video's been out for a while, that's actually pretty likely. Second, I misheard. Since I'm pretty sleepy right now, that's also pretty likely. But if I'm right then this triflin' ass censorship cannot go unpunished. Gideon Yago can expect a visit from my boy Farhad and his trunk full of bowling pins.

- Tyco

posted by Tyco Nightglow at 5/17/2004 12:00:00 PM 2 comments

2 Comments:

hot doorknobs said...: Yeah you heard right. Channel battle don't stop there though; when BET plays "Through the Wire," they edit out MTV from that "story on MTV and I ain't tryin' to make a band" part. Fucking silly.

More culuturaly important editing is when both stations edit the "white man gets paid offa all a that" part in "All Falls Down." They edit out "white." I'm not even sure what the sociological implications of such inane editing could be. Discuss?; 5/17/2004 01:46:00 PM
ezruh sellof said...: Obviously, we can't allow people to say such racially slanted things on television when we are trying so desperately to reach a society based on racial equality. How will we ever reach that if we allow these crazy rappers to put down the white man just to sell records?

In other news, May 17th was the 50th anniversary of Brown v. Board of Ed. I wonder if this is what Chief Justice Warren meant by "with all deliberate speed."; 5/18/2004 10:48:00 AM

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

<$BlogBacklinkTitle$>: <$BlogBacklinkSnippet$>
posted by <$BlogBacklinkAuthor$> @ <$BlogBacklinkDateTime$>

Create a Link

Sunday, May 16, 2004
The Practice definitely had one more Emmy in it ...

January 16, 1999. Augsburg 105-Carleton 97. Devean George drops 52 ... on 23 shots. Sure, he was shooting over untalented white guys.
May 15, 2004. Lakers 88-Spurs 76. Devo goes for 10 ... on four shots. This time, Hedo Turkoglu is guarding him.
Dude may never get the kwan of Kobe and Co., but he sure knows how to make skinny Caucasians pay. Flip, after you win out and draw up your conference finals game plan, tell Fred Hoiberg to stay on the opposite side of the court as Devean at all times, and you'll be fine. Oh yeah, you also might want to tell KG not to waste his elbows on Anthony Peeler. Let Hassell handle that.

OK, not all of my posts need to be about sports, I'm sure of it. Next time, I'm coming with some new shit, so watch out. Well, don't watch out too much, I'll probably just end up writing about cereal or something.

Doorknobs, how do you get pictures up on here?

- Tyco

PS - Is it really a series finale if they end up turning one show into three separate spinoffs? Instead of fading to black with dignity, David E. Kelly is selling The Pracice for its parts, turning one stirring drama into ABC's entire fall lineup? And none of the baby-Practices are centerred around Eugene, who has carried that show since Dylan McDermott left. Not cool.

By the way, that counts as my non-sports post.

posted by Tyco Nightglow at 5/16/2004 07:15:00 PM 1 comments

1 Comments:

ezruh sellof said...: For real, I could be the lakers fifth man and get ten a game and I'm the sort of untalented white guy that Devean was shooting over in '99.

Practice spin-offs? Lame. Yet not as lame as Law and Order pseudo-spinoffs. Or Law and Order spinoff ripoffs. Those take the Golden Globe for lameness.

Yo tyco and knobs: I love this shit. And that's my word.

peace - imanant; 5/17/2004 12:12:00 AM

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

<$BlogBacklinkTitle$>: <$BlogBacklinkSnippet$>
posted by <$BlogBacklinkAuthor$> @ <$BlogBacklinkDateTime$>

Create a Link

qualifications shmalifications

So Portland (or maybe Seattle?) rag The Stranger just lost their hip hop columnist. They describe Dan Savage, the interim replacement, as a "cocksucing musical theatre fan." Needless to say, they're looking for a better full-time replacement. Hey guys, fly MY cracker ass out there. I could whistle dixie once a week about Atmosphere or Lyrics Born or any of that pansy, vanilla crap that Lil Flip uses as a sizzurp coaster.

At least the playoffs are still here to distract me from the imminent sadness of the no-job havin', livin' in squalor, bubble bursting experience known as "post-college life."

By the way, I called that Lakers shit. Down 2-0, what do I tell my boy? Them Derek Fisher-led sonsabitches are gonna run the table on these softbatch bible-thumpers. Yo Tyco, you see the pride of the MIAC put down 16 in Game 5? That's right, son, Devean George taught them Spurs a lesson. Lesson being, "I was lights-out back in the day against powerhouses like St. Olaf and whatnot, so don't think that if I'm surrounded with four future Hall of Famers and get WIDE OPEN 15-footers all day, that a kid can't pop double-digits once a month."

posted by hotdoorknobs at 5/16/2004 04:18:00 PM 0 comments

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

<$BlogBacklinkTitle$>: <$BlogBacklinkSnippet$>
posted by <$BlogBacklinkAuthor$> @ <$BlogBacklinkDateTime$>

Create a Link

Saturday, May 15, 2004
heard i was killin' shit, they musta got word

Sometimes, music journalism is actually good enough to warm the cockles.

First, it must be said that The Pretty Tony Album and Madvillainy are pretty much unfuckwithable. I've got thoughts-a-plenty about Tony Starks and Doom/'lib, mostly your typical fanboy "Holy shit, holy shit" type stuff, but it felt oh so good to see SFJ and Dougie Passion come correct on each of these albums. May seem like bad faith to kick off a new bloggo by immediately linking someone else's thoughts, but hey. If it's done right, it's done right.

Madvillainy (Sasha Frere-Jones)
The Pretty Toney Album (Douglas Passion)

posted by hotdoorknobs at 5/15/2004 10:57:00 AM 3 comments

3 Comments:

Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything said...: yo didnit nobodoy say nothing that music/crit is so bofo old>?xs, carnt represent the multirepresentational espcially not when theyrrere are six thoussandd bamiliions peoples writng music/crit. or maybe you can but how can yrou really say. writingisempty; 5/15/2004 01:34:00 PM
Nihilist Loves Hate, Hates Everything said...: and by the way, fuck sasha-frerejonesmyeducatedliberalmultitalentedass. howbout we allgo writefor the villagevoi ce a nd start talkingsmack like peoplerespect ed our musicianship or that shittyremix on that tom zé ep. whatyouthink tortoise are boring? howabout talentless fucks with pensand sharpton gues? irony sensors (censors?) watchOut!; 5/15/2004 03:48:00 PM
hot doorknobs said...: Yo, Tortoise IS boring. I heard a SFJ song that was fucking rad, but don't ask me what it was called.

I see where this is going, though. It's cool man, professional haters welcome...; 5/15/2004 04:09:00 PM

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

<$BlogBacklinkTitle$>: <$BlogBacklinkSnippet$>
posted by <$BlogBacklinkAuthor$> @ <$BlogBacklinkDateTime$>

Create a Link

You're mad cause I'm a thief and got a way with words

Let's see. Chauncey "I wish Tyco and Doorknobs ran my Blog" Billups hits a 50 foot prayer at the buzzer, the first two overtimes fail to produce a winner, half the starters foul out, a streched-out version of Danny Bonaduce morphs into Dana Barros, and you're complaining about hyperbole? There aren't enough words in our language to describe that performance. This is why TNT needs to have E-40 on hand, kept in a glass box that says "Break in Case of Double Overtime". Fourty-water than grabs the mic from Doc Rivers and breaks out his crazy ass spitetry to describe the on-court pandemonium (Kerry Kerelli with the wet alleyooya to K-Martiggerdale). Ratings go through the roof, the Bay Area will finally start paying attention to games east of the Mississip, and viewers are spared from the broken-record reptition of gems like "I think fatigue is starting to play a factor here".

By this way, this is Jon Katz (Tyco Nightglow). I like argyle and M.O.P. And I'm out like Derek Fisher after that lucky ass shot.

posted by Tyco Nightglow at 5/15/2004 12:14:00 AM 0 comments

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

<$BlogBacklinkTitle$>: <$BlogBacklinkSnippet$>
posted by <$BlogBacklinkAuthor$> @ <$BlogBacklinkDateTime$>

Create a Link

Friday, May 14, 2004
it's on mo-nuckas

ok so here we go. "gimme the mic and i'ma toss it..."

doesn't it seem like everytime a playoff game goes into overtime, it becomes "one of the most exciting games in NBA history"? i'm just sayin'...you know how they payed dickens by word when he wrote "great expectations"? i'm thinkin' they pay those TNT dudes by the hyperbole, namean?

now i don't even have the energy to watch spree and sammy "i'm from fucking mars" cassell wreck the queens. whatevs.

yo tyco nightglow, let's do this...

posted by hotdoorknobs at 5/14/2004 11:42:00 PM 0 comments

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

<$BlogBacklinkTitle$>: <$BlogBacklinkSnippet$>
posted by <$BlogBacklinkAuthor$> @ <$BlogBacklinkDateTime$>

Create a Link